Men in Black
Men in Black

Men in Black

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User Rating: 4 / 5
(1 vote)
Year: 1997
Genre: Action / Comedy / SciFi
Number of Quotes: 83
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Men in Black (1997) (Movie)

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Agent K (Kay): Put up your arms and all your flippers.
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Agent J (Jay): You know the difference between you and me? I make this look good.
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[last lines]
Agent L: Hey, Jay! Zed called. The high consulate from Solaxiant 9 wants floor seats for the next Bulls game.
Agent J (Jay): All right, let's put in a call to Dennis Rodman. He's from that planet.
Agent L: Rodman? You're kidding.
Agent J (Jay): Nope.
Agent L: Not much of a disguise.
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Agent J (Jay): Did you ever flashy-thing me?
Agent K (Kay): No.
Agent J (Jay): I ain't playing with you, K. Did you ever flashy-thing me?
Agent K (Kay): No.
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Agent J (Jay): There's only one way off this planet, baby, and that's through me.
[the bug kicks Jay aside]
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James Edwards: [chasing perp] Freeze! NYPD! Freeze!
[the perp he is chasing does not slow down]
James Edwards: Freeze means stop!
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Agent K (Kay): Arquillian battle rules, kid: first we get an ultimatum, then a warning shot, then we have a galactic standard week to respond.
Agent J (Jay): A galactic standard week? How the hell long is that?
Agent K (Kay): One hour.
Agent J (Jay): One hour... then what?
[the message translation flashes across the screen: "MIB, DELIVER THE GALAXY OR EARTH WILL BE DESTROYED."]
Agent J (Jay): Oh, now that's bullshit.
[the message adds, "SORRY." The countdown begins]
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Agent K (Kay): All right, kid, here's the deal. At any given time there are approximately 1500 aliens on the planet, most of them right here in Manhattan. And most of them are decent enough, they're just trying to make a living.
Agent J (Jay): Cab drivers?
Agent K (Kay): Not as many as you'd think.
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Agent K (Kay): Set for pulsar level five, subsonic implosion factor two.
Agent J (Jay): What?
Agent K (Kay): Just shoot the damn thing on the count of three.
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Agent J (Jay): Zed, don't you guys ever get any sleep around here?
Chief Zed: The twins keep us on Centaurian time, standard thirty-seven hour day. Give it a few months. You'll get used to it... or you'll have a psychotic episode.
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Bug: Ever pull the wing off a fly? Care to see the fly get even?
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Bug: Place projectile weapon on the ground.
Edgar: You can have my gun, when you pry it from my cold dead fingers.
Bug: Your proposal is acceptable.
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Chief Zed: You'll dress only in attire specially sanctioned by MiB special services. You'll conform to the identity we give you, eat where we tell you, live where we tell you. From now on you'll have no identifying marks of any kind. You'll not stand out in any way. Your entire image is crafted to leave no lasting memory with anyone you encounter. You're a rumor, recognizable only as deja vu and dismissed just as quickly. You don't exist; you were never even born. Anonymity is your name. Silence your native tongue. You're no longer part of the System. You're above the System. Over it. Beyond it. We're "them." We're "they." We are the Men in Black.
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[to candidates rejected as MIB agents]
Chief Zed: Gentlemen, congratulations. You're everything we've come to expect from years of government training.
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Agent K (Kay): All right, Beatrice, there was no alien. The flash of light you saw in the sky was not a UFO. Swamp gas from a weather balloon was trapped in a thermal pocket and reflected the light from Venus.
Agent J (Jay): Wait a minute. You just flash that thing, it erases her memory, and you just make up a new one?
Agent K (Kay): A standard issue neuralyzer.
Agent J (Jay): And that weak-ass story's the best you can come up with?
Agent K (Kay): On a more personal note Beatrice, Edgar ran off with an old girlfriend. You're gonna go stay with your mom a couple nights. You're gonna get over it and decide you're better off.
Agent J (Jay): Well, yeah, you know, 'cause 'cause he never appreciated you anyway. In fact, you know what - you kicked *him* out. And now that he's gone you're gonna go into town, you go to Bloomingdale's and find some nice dresses, get yourself some shoes, you know, find somewhere, maybe you can get a facial. And, uh, oh - hire a decorator to come in here quick, 'cause... *damn*.
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Dr. Laurel Weaver: What's with the cat?
Cop in Morgue: Oh, the cat. Yeah, well, there's a problem with the cat. Sign here.
Dr. Laurel Weaver: [signing] What's the problem with the cat?
Cop in Morgue: It's your problem. Heh heh heh.
Dr. Laurel Weaver: I hate the living.
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Chief Zed: We're not hosting an intergalactic kegger down here.
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Agent K (Kay): All right... That's confiscated. All of it. And I want you on the next transport off this rock or I'm gonna shoot you where it don't grow back.
Agent J (Jay): [shaken] Yeah and... and... and I'm gonna be back to talk about them Rolexes.
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Edgar: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it. It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck.
[Flying saucer smashes truck, Edgar comes out of the house to look at the damage]
Edgar: Figures.
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Agent J (Jay): When do I get my own flashy-little-memory-messier-upper-thing?
Agent K (Kay): When you grow up.

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