Wedding Crashers
Wedding Crashers

Wedding Crashers

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2005
Genre: Comedy / Romance
Number of Quotes: 139
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Wedding Crashers (2005) (Movie)

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Jeremy Grey: These bacon-wrapped scallops - phenomenal!
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Jeremy Grey: Phenomenal finger food!
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Jeremy Grey: Are you kidding me? I love crab cakes! They're phenomenal!
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Jeremy Grey: I feel so tiny in your arms.
Guest at wedding: How tall are you?
Jeremy Grey: Six foot five, but I feel like I'm four feet.
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Jeremy Grey: I'm sorry. I'm not sorry. Okay? I'm not gonna apologize, I'm a cocksman!
[gets glares from wedding guests]
John Beckwith: [to wedding guests] Tourette's.
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Janice: I've got the perfect girl for you!
Jeremy Grey: [sigh] Janice, I apologize to you if I don't seem real eager to jump into a forced awkward intimate situation that people like to call dating. I don't like the feeling. You're sitting there, you're wondering do I have food on my face, am I eating, am I talking too much, are they talking enough, am I interested I'm not really interested, should I play like I'm interested but I'm not that interested but I think she might be interested but do I want to be interested but now she's not interested? So all of the sudden I'm getting, I'm starting to get interested... And when am I supposed to kiss her? Do I have to wait for the door cause then it's awkward, it's like well goodnight. Do you do like that ass-out hug? Where you like, you hug each other like this and your ass sticks out cause you're trying not to get too close or do you just go right in and kiss them on the lips or don't kiss them at all? It's very difficult trying to read the situation. And all the while you're just really wondering are we gonna get hopped up enough to make some bad decisions? Perhaps play a little game called "just the tip". Just for a second, just to see how it feels. Or, ouch, ouch you're on my hair.
Janice: Okay...
Jeremy Grey: OK, can you, can you put that so he can't see it? Thank you. Hey, Janice... great talk.
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Jeremy Grey: I'm sure you'd love to be free, maybe go out and meet some Latin guy that can dance, grind up on you, make you feel dangerous but also safe. And how about you? Don't you want to get inside Chastity without having to wonder if everyone's gonna find out?
John Beckwith: God, wouldn't that be sweet?
Jeremy Grey: Wouldn't that be nice? And have some Latin guy sweating all over you, talking to you in languages you don't understand, needing you, wanting you, taking you?
John Beckwith: All we're trying to say is, put your swords away for a second. Let's finish this and let's move on.
Jeremy Grey: Get out there and get some strange ass.
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Jeremy Grey: Please don't take a turn to negative town.
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Jeremy Grey: [on the phone with Gloria] Bunch those panties up into a little ball, and put that little ball right in your mouth. Oh, yeah...
[John walks in]
Jeremy Grey: And, um, yeah. I will definitely call you back later, then. I'll talk to you soon. Thank you, Larry.
[hangs up]
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Sack Lodge: Claire, you get your fucking ass on that altar right now!
John Beckwith: Wow, we're getting a great preview of what marriage is gonna be like with Ike Turner over here.
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John Beckwith: Rule No.5: "You're an idiot"
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[talking at the dinner table about Franklin Roosevelt]
Grandma Mary Cleary: But that wife of his, Eleanor... Big dyke! Huge dyke. A real rug muncher. Looked like a big lesbian mule.
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John Beckwith: I'd like to be cowboys from Arizona or pimps from Oakland but it's not Halloween. Grow up; Peter Pan, Count Chocula.
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Gloria Cleary: Ah! That was amazing.
Jeremy Grey: Yeah, it was really great. We should probably head back so they're not looking for us.
Gloria Cleary: I always knew my first time would be on a beach.
Jeremy Grey: [stunned] First time? You're a virgin?
Gloria Cleary: Mm-hmm.
Jeremy Grey: Wow.
Gloria Cleary: Jeremy, we are going to be so happy together. I love you.
Jeremy Grey: [bewildered] I'm sorry?
Gloria Cleary: I love you.
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Claire Cleary: Actually Todd is an amazing painter. He's going to the Rhode Island School of Design.
John Beckwith: Wow, that's a great school. Congratulations, Todd. That's really impressive. RIS-D!
Todd Cleary: Yeah, Dad - Dad always thought I'd be a political liability...
[getting angry]
Todd Cleary: ...in case he ever ran for President.
Secretary Cleary: Now, now Todd. Actually, truth be told, polling shows that a majority of the American people would ultimately empathize with our situation.
Todd Cleary: [sharply, raising his voice] What IS our situation, Dad?
Grandma Mary Cleary: You're a homo.
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Jeremy Grey: Todd, I notice you haven't even touched your food yet.
Todd Cleary: I don't eat meat or fish.
Grandma Mary Cleary: He's a homo.
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Secretary Cleary: You know she is not just another notch on the old belt.
Jeremy Grey: I don't even wear a belt... Beltless.
Secretary Cleary: [menacingly] I am a very powerful man.
Jeremy Grey: Yes, you are.
[Cleary pauses meaningfully]
Secretary Cleary: [cheerfully] See you for dinner.
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Bratty Kid: I want a bicycle.
Jeremy Grey: Listen, a bicycle is going to take a lot of balloons and frankly, uncle Jeremy is a bit tired. How about I make you something else?
Bratty Kid: I just want a bicycle!
Jeremy Grey: Why... why are you yelling at me?
Bratty Kid: Make me a bicycle, clown!
Jeremy Grey: All right, I'm going to make you a bicycle. But I don't want to make you a bicycle.
Bratty Kid: Shut your mouth, funny guy, and make it.
Jeremy Grey: [later] Take that, you hyena, don't say thank you.
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[Mr Kroeger's wife opens up a bottle of pills]
Mr. Kroeger: That's it! Go comatose for me, baby.
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[Kathleen Cleary walks into John's bedroom, unbuttons her blouse and shows John her boobs]
Kathleen Cleary: I just had my tits done. You like 'em?
John Beckwith: [shocked] Those... seem like lovely tits.
Kathleen Cleary: William doesn't give a shit about my tits.
John Beckwith: Well, darn him. But Mrs. Cleary, this is pretty sudden...
Kathleen Cleary: Oh, you been playing "Cat and Mouse" with me ever since you came here.
John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary, I don't...
Kathleen Cleary: Call me Kat.
John Beckwith: Okay, Kat.
Kathleen Cleary: Call me "Kitty Kat".
[growls]
John Beckwith: Okay, Kitty Kat. This feels "borderline" inappropriate.
[Kathleen walks closer to John]
Kathleen Cleary: Feel them.
John Beckwith: What?
Kathleen Cleary: I said feel them!
John Beckwith: Mrs. Cleary...
Kathleen Cleary: Kitty Kat.
John Beckwith: I'm sorry, Kitty Kat, are you out of your fucking mind?
Kathleen Cleary: I'm not letting you out of this room until you feel them.
[Completely hesitant and nervous, John feels her boobs; Kathleen moans softly]
John Beckwith: Wow, they feel really nice. Real orb-like. It's amazing what they can do...
[Kathleen shudders and puts her blouse back on]
Kathleen Cleary: Pervert!

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