Wedding Crashers
Wedding Crashers

Wedding Crashers

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2005
Genre: Comedy / Romance
Number of Quotes: 139
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Wedding Crashers (2005) (Movie)

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Jeremy Grey: Listen, I'm getting married.
John Beckwith: Get out.
[points at the door]
Jeremy Grey: What? You just sat there and said you were happy for me, that I...
John Beckwith: I'm hanging by a thread. I'm reading don't-kill-myself books.
Jeremy Grey: You said that the book wasn't yours.
John Beckwith: Don't worry about the book. It isn't mine. But I glanced at it.
Jeremy Grey: John, you've been my friend for 16 years. I'm getting married. I need you there to be my best man.
John Beckwith: Kindly leave!
Jeremy Grey: I'm try...
John Beckwith: [cuts him off; whispers] Kindly leave.
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Jeremy Grey: He's the best man.
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Chazz Reinhold: So how's my protégé?
John Beckwith: Jeremy, believe it or not, is getting married!
Chazz Reinhold: What? What an idiot! What a loser! Good! Good! More for you and me.
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Father O'Neil: As you know, Craig and Christina are quite the sailing enthusiasts. In that light, they have elected to exchange vows which they themselves have written.
Craig: I, Craig, take you, Christina, to be my wife, my best friend and my first mate. Through sickness and health, clear skies and squalls.
Christina Cleary: I, Christina, take you, Craig, to be my best friend and my captain... to be your anchor and your sail... your starboard and your port.
[Claire giggles silently, hiding behind the bouquet that she is holding]
Jeremy Grey: [mutters] Well this is a first!
Father O'Neil: And now I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the first mate.
[Claire giggles again]
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Best Man: After my ninth stint in rehab, Craig - ah Craig, Craig was the only one who still believed in me. Been sober now for eight months.
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Old Chinese Man: That's Mai Lin's adopted son Manni, the veterinarian.
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Old Italian Woman: Who's that?
Old Italian Man: That's Luigi and Gina's son Christopher, the Banker.
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Old Jewish Woman: Who is that?
Old Jewish Man: I think that's Sid's kid Leonard, the diabetic.
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John Beckwith: What are you going to do for an encore? Walk on water?
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Claire Cleary: Are you OK?
John Beckwith: Yeah, I'm just swinging the jib for your dad, starboard.
Claire Cleary: But starboard's *this* way.
John Beckwith: That's right. What am I thinking? I'm used to sailing Down Under with the Kiwis so everything's backwards. Even the toilets, when you flush them, the water spins the opposite way. Really freaks you out the first time you see it.
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John Beckwith: What are you doing? It's a game of touch football, every time I look over you're on your ass again.
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Claire Cleary: Your brother. He's down again.
John Beckwith: What is his deal?
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Jeremy Grey: John? I need to see you right away. It's important.
John Beckwith: [Walking into Jeremy's office] What's going on?
Jeremy Grey: [sighs] We got three big weeks ahead of us. It's wedding season, kid!
John Beckwith: You sandbaggin' son of a bitch!
Jeremy Grey: I've got us down for 17 of them already.
John Beckwith: Okay, now how many of them have cash bars?
Jeremy Grey: Great question. I like where your head's at and two of them actually are, but I got us covered: Purple hearts. We won't have to pay for a drink all night.
John Beckwith: Oh, yeah. Perfect.
Jeremy Grey: We are gonna have tons and tons of opportunities to meet gorgeous ladies that get so aroused by the thought of marriage that they'll throw their inhibitions to the wind.
John Beckwith: And who's gonna be there to catch them?
Jeremy Grey: Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or Wedding Season?
[Jeremy raises his hand]
John Beckwith: Mr. Grey?
Jeremy Grey: Yes. The answer would be, um, Wedding Season?
[shimmy-shakes]
John Beckwith: Bingo! I'm gonna get my suit. Now who are we this time?
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Todd Cleary: We had a moment at the dinner table didn't we?
Jeremy Grey: No! No! We did not have a moment at the dinner table, Todd!
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Claire Cleary: So is it just about the money?
John Beckwith: No no, it's about, uh, investing in companies that are ethically and morally defensible.
Sack Lodge: Well, like what? Give me an example.
John Beckwith: Like what? Well, there's the company that we have where we're taking the, the fur or the wool from sheep and we turn it into thread for homeless people to sew. And then they make it into cloth, which they in turn sew, then um... make little shirts and pants for other homeless people to sell. It's a pretty good deal.
Jeremy Grey: [fumbling his words because Gloria is giving him a hand job under the dinner table] People - People helping people.
Claire Cleary: That's - that's very admirable.
John Beckwith: Thank you. Although, don't make me out to be a saint just yet. We do turn a small profit. After all, someone has to pay for the, uh,
[motions to Jeremy]
John Beckwith: Lap dancers for the big guy here.
Jeremy Grey: [laughing pleasurably] Oh, ha ha ha, he's joking around. It feels so good when he jokes.
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John Beckwith: Claire! Will you wait just a second? All I wanted is was a second alone with you so I could explain things. But I've never gotten that chance. Maybe I don't deserve it, so here goes. For longer than I care to remember, my business has been crashing weddings. I crashed weddings to meet girls. Business was good. I met a *lot* of girls. It was childish and it was juvenile.
Claire Cleary: And pathetic.
John Beckwith: Yeah. That's probably the best word to describe it. But you know what? It also led me to you, so it's hard for me to completely regret it. And that person that you met back at your folks' place? That was really me. Maybe not my name, I'm John Beckwith by the way. Or my job. But the feelings we felt; the jokes, the stupid laughs, that was all me. I've changed. I've realized something. I crashed a funeral today.
Jeremy Grey: [mutters] Oh Jesus.
John Beckwith: It wasn't my idea, I was basically dragged to it.
[to Jeremy]
John Beckwith: I went with Chazz who you forgot to tell me is totally insane. He also might be a genius because it actually does work, he's cleaning up.
Claire Cleary: John!
John Beckwith: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. That's neither here nor there. Anyway, I saw this widow and she's a wreck. She has just lost the person she loved the most in this world and I realized we're all going to lose the people we love. That's the way it is, but not me. Not right now. Because the person *I* love the most is standing right here and I'm not ready to lose you yet. Claire, I'm not standing here asking you to marry me, I'm just asking you not to marry *him* and maybe take a walk, take a chance.
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John Beckwith: Are you going to give a toast?
Claire Cleary: Yes.
John Beckwith: Nervous?
Claire Cleary: A little bit.
John Beckwith: What are you going to say?
[Claire pulls a piece of paper from inside her dress]
John Beckwith: You keep it in your cleavage.
Claire Cleary: Nowhere else to put it. Normally I'm not very good at these things, but I think this one's pretty good.
[John reads from Claire's notes]
John Beckwith: "I never thought my sister would find someone who cared about what other people thought as much as she did - until I met Craig?"!
Claire Cleary: Yes, that's funny. It's funny because it's true. People like funny.
John Beckwith: I know, but the whole funny-because-it's-true bit only works if the truth is a *small* thing like "everyone knows Jennifer likes to shop, ha ha ha". I think you're better off going with something from the heart. Honestly.
Claire Cleary: I think people are going to like this.
John Beckwith: I think you're going to hear crickets.
Claire Cleary: I think you're wrong.
John Beckwith: Sounds of silence. Go walk the plank.
Claire Cleary: Uh uh. I'm sticking to it.
John Beckwith: Ok, meet me at the back of the room. I'll be the guy waiting to say I told you so.
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Chazz Reinhold: What is she doing back there? I never know what she's doing.
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Jeremy Grey: Tattoo on the lower back? Might as well be a bullseye.
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