Weather Man
Weather Man

The Weather Man

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2005
Genre: Comedy / Drama
Number of Quotes: 29
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from The Weather Man (2005) (Movie)

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Dave Spritz: Good afternoon. . many of you came from long distances, and I know I speak for my mom and Noreen and my family, Mike and Shelly when I say thank you. When I think of my dad, I think of Bob Seger's Like a Rock -
[the power goes out]
Dave Spritz: And then the power went out. Then, when the lights came back on in 40 minutes every one had pretty much forgotten that I was talking. And we never finished that part of the thing. . so my speech was, 'When I think of my dad, I think of Bob Seger's Like a Rock.' That's all I said at my dad's living funeral, something; about Bob Seger.
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Station Assistant Director: You should say "We might see some snow, but it might shift South, and miss us."
Dave Spritz: I can see it. I sorta of wanna understand it. Why is it?
Station Assistant Director: Well, it's Canadian trade winds.
Dave Spritz: Behind all of it?
Station Assistant Director: Yeah, this will get pushed by wind out of Canada.
Dave Spritz: So what's it gonna do?
Station Assistant Director: I don't know. It's a guess, it's wind, man. Blows all over the place.
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Russ: Dave.
Dave Spritz: Hi Russ.
Russ: He's upstairs, he's still pretty upset about it.
Dave Spritz: Did he talk about it?
Russ: Yeah. .
Dave Spritz: To you?
Russ: He's told us what happened, uh, he was with his counselor Don Boden, I guess...
Dave Spritz: I don't really know why what happened next, happened. He was talking about my son, and I was taking my gloves off.
[slaps Russ with his glove]
Russ: What the fuck?
Dave Spritz: Why are you here?
Russ: What are you doing?
Dave Spritz: Why, are you here?
Russ: I'm helping Noreen!
Dave Spritz: Why are you helping?
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Robert Spritzel: I read your book.
Dave Spritz: Fuck. I was gonna do, some more work on it, then I chucked it.
Robert Spritzel: You chucked it?
Dave Spritz: Garbage.
Robert Spritzel: I-it's just what I do, David, I've practiced and I've gotten good. Like you and the weather business.
Dave Spritz: But I don't predict it. Nobody does, 'cause i-it's just wind. It's wind. It blows all over the place! What the fuck!
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Dave Spritz: Every couple months, someone throws something at me. A shake, a burrito once. Why? My name partly, I guess. I changed it for professional reasons, my first station manager suggested it - he said it sounded refreshing and that they wanted that quality. That may be true, but it's also annoying. I know that.
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Dave Spritz: [thinking] What must you think of me? Your family leader. Your non-meteorologist, yet weather man, frosty taking fuck-happy son. Don't die yet Robert, give me time to get it together. Give me a little while, let me get the Hello America job. I can get it together.
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[last lines]
Dave Spritz: Hello, America.
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[while watching Dave Spritz doing the weather on TV]
Viewer: What kind of name is Spritz? It's a bullshit name. It's a TV name. He's bullshit.
Viewer's Wife: Well, I like him. He's handsome.
Viewer: He's an asshole. I don't like his face. His asshole face.
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Dave Spritz: I remember once imagining what my life would be like, what I'd be like. I pictured having all these qualities, strong positive qualities that people could pick up on from across the room. But as time passed, few ever became any qualities that I actually had. And all the possibilities I faced and the sorts of people I could be, all of them got reduced every year to fewer and fewer. Until finally they got reduced to one, to who I am. And that's who I am, the weather man.
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Russ: Dave, step back right now.
Dave Spritz: Fuck you right now.
Russ: Fuck you, Spritz.
Dave Spritz: Fuck you, fat asshole! Dildo!
Robert Spritzel: David, what are you doing?
Dave Spritz: I'm talking to my wife! I'm talking to Noreen, and this clown whose business this isn't.
Russ: You call me a dildo, it is my business, Spritz.
Dave Spritz: You *are* a dildo, pork fuck. You porker!
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[first lines]
Dave Spritz: That was refreshing. I'm refreshed. I'm refreshing.
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Robert Spritzel: What happened to you?
Dave Spritz: I got hit with a Frosty.
Robert Spritzel: Why did you get hit with a Frosty?
Robert Spritzel: What is a Frosty?
Dave Spritz: It's a shake. From Wendy's.
Robert Spritzel: Why did you get hit with a shake?
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Shelly: I heard they make tires out of camel toes.
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Noreen: [reading Dave's note about her from their group session] "Throughout marriage, BJs lacked enthusiasm. Had difference of opinion over how important that was. I thought very." You know what, Dave? You want to know why my BJs lacked enthusiasm? I hated you. I hated your hair. I hated your ugly legs, your forearms. I hated kissing your lips, Dave. Okay? And that's why I lacked enthusiasm when your cock was in my mouth.
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Dave Spritz: Why are you here, anyway?
Robert Spritzel: I came to talk to Noreen about an issue concerning Shelly.
Dave Spritz: Well, you can talk to me. I'm her parent, too. So? What?
Robert Spritzel: Shelly dresses in clothing not appropriate for her... clinging stuff.
Dave Spritz: All kids wear... Dad, it's a different generation.
Robert Spritzel: They call her camel toe.
Dave Spritz: What?
Robert Spritzel: Are you aware of that?
Dave Spritz: What?
Robert Spritzel: That her colleagues call her camel toe.
Dave Spritz: What are you talking about?
Robert Spritzel: It means the crease in her vagina that they can discern through her clothing.
Dave Spritz: What?
Robert Spritzel: Camel toe.
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Shelly: These fucking crutches are too long.
Dave Spritz: What did you say?
Noreen: Shelly!
[turns to Dave]
Noreen: Well, what were you doing?
Dave Spritz: It was a picnic.
Noreen: [referring to Shelly] And she tore something?
Dave Spritz: ACL. MCL.
Noreen: Which?
Dave Spritz: [after a slight pause] Both.
Noreen: Dave!
Dave Spritz: Well, we didn't go bungee jumping! It was a fucking potato-sack race!
Noreen: That's where she got it.
Dave Spritz: What?
Noreen: "Fucking" this. "Fucking" that.
Dave Spritz: No, I never said that around her.
Noreen: You don't know you have, Dave, because you don't pay attention!
Dave Spritz: Fuck that.
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Robert Spritzel: What is this sucking and chucking and jacking of fucking up, son? He's fifteen years old! What is this shit?
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Dave Spritz: You know when I was in school, I guess the hardest thing was how other kids can be a little mean. . names, and stuff. Do you ever get called names?
Shelly: Like what?
Dave Spritz: I don't know - like, dummy if you miss a question. . or, camel toe?
Shelly: Yeah... camel toe.
Dave Spritz: Do you know why?
Shelly: Why, what?
Dave Spritz: Why you get called camel toe. .
Shelly: Yeah.
Dave Spritz: Why hun?. .
Shelly: Because, camel toes are tough. They can walk all over the desert and all the hot rocks. I'm tough.
Dave Spritz: That's right. It's because they're tough. Ready to shop again? . .
Shelly: I think they make car tires out of camel toes.
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Robert Spritzel: [Robert Spritz drives up] Weatherman!
[Dave prepares to be hit with food]
Dave Spritz: [Dave gets in his father's car] Hey.
Robert Spritzel: Hi.
Dave Spritz: Are you all right?
Robert Spritzel: Yeah. Umm, I just wanted you to...
Dave Spritz: What?
[Robert Spritz begins playing Bob Seger's "Like a Rock"]
Robert Spritzel: I don't really get it. Am I following it?
Dave Spritz: It was just a lead up to other things I wanted to say. Here's the part.
["... And I held firm to what I felt was right like a rock...”]
Dave Spritz: I wanted to talk about that part... about you. That's like you.
[pauses]
Dave Spritz: I got the job.
Robert Spritzel: New York?
[Dave Spritz nods his head yes]
Robert Spritzel: That's terrific. That's a remarkable income. That's more money than I ever made, that salary.
Dave Spritz: Yeah.
Robert Spritzel: That's quite an American accomplishment.
Dave Spritz: Thanks.
Robert Spritzel: Are you okay?
Dave Spritz: I can't knuckle down. Noreen's marrying Russ.
Dave Spritz: There's nothing to knuckle down on, so... I can't fucking knuckle down.
Robert Spritzel: Your hand...
Dave Spritz: I just saw Mike's counselor.
Robert Spritzel: Mike mentioned that you were gonna fix this business up. He's in no trouble?
[Dave shakes his head no]
Robert Spritzel: Good job. Your hand okay?
Dave Spritz: It's okay.
Robert Spritzel: You certain?
Dave Spritz: Don't worry.
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Robert Spritzel: This shit life... we must chuck some things. We must chuck them... in this shit life. There's always looking after.

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