There's Something About Mary
There's Something About Mary

There's Something About Mary

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 1998
Genre: Comedy / Romance
Number of Quotes: 41
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from There's Something About Mary (1998) (Movie)

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Ted Stroehmann: [referring to the zipper incident] I never told you that.
Dom Woganowski: Well Christ, Ted, I was only four towns away.
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Stripper: Go to hell!
Norman Phipps: Haha I love it when you talk dirty to me, man.
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Dom Woganowski: You choke the chicken before any big date, don't you? Tell me you spank the monkey before any big date. Oh my God, he doesn't flog the dolphin before a big date. Are you crazy? That's like going out there with a loaded gun! Of course that's why you're nervous. Oh my dear friend, please sit, please. Look, um, after you've had sex with a girl, and you're lying in bed with her, are you nervous? No, you're not, why?
Ted Stroehmann: Cause I'm tired...
Dom Woganowski: Wrong! It's 'cause you ain't got the baby batter on the brain anymore! Jesus, that stuff will fuck you're head up! Look, the most honest moment in a man's life are the few minutes after he's blown his load - now that is a medical fact. And the reason for it is that you're no longer trying to get laid, you're actually... you're thinking like a girl, and girls love that.
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Warren Jensen: [as Ted is being taken on a stretcher to the ambulance] He was masturbating! He was masturbating!
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Ted Stroehmann: I'm telling you, I did not solicit sex! I was just stopping to go the bathroom, next thing I know I tripped over something - well someone - and, POOF, there's cops and lights and...
Detective Stabler: Okay, calm down, Ted, we believe you. The problem is we found your friend in the car
[referring to the dead body found in Ted's car, unbeknown to Ted was left by the hitchhiker]
Ted Stroehmann: [Ted has no idea the hitchhiker left a bag with dead body in his car. He thinks the police is going to charge him with picking hitchhiker, as the hitchhiker told him it was a felony] Oh. The hitchhiker. That's what this is all about. Isn't that just my luck - I get caught for everything.
Detective Krevoy: So you admit it?
Ted Stroehmann: Guilty as charged. I'm not gonna play games with you. I could give you a song and dance but what's the point? I did it and we all know it. The hitcher himself told me it's illegal The irony.
Detective Krevoy: Well, uh, can you tell us his name?
Ted Stroehmann: Jeez, I didn't catch it
Detective Stabler: So he was a stranger? It was totally random?
Ted Stroehmann: He was the first hitcher I saw, what can I tell you? Now cut to the chase, how much trouble am I in?
Detective Stabler: First tell us why you did it.
Ted Stroehmann: Why I did it? I don't know. Boredom? I thought I was doing the guy a favor.
Detective Krevoy: This wasn't your first time, was it, Ted? How many we talking?
Ted Stroehmann: Hitchhikers? I don't know - fifty... a hundred maybe - Who keeps track? Hey, I know this is the Bible Belt, but where I come from this is not that big a deal.
Detective Krevoy: You son of a bitch! You're gonna fry!
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Paramedic in 1985: We got a bleeder!
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[last lines]
Magda: What are you doing?
Magda's boyfriend: That's my girl he's kissing.
Magda: But you just slept with me.
Magda's boyfriend: I was only boning you to get to Mary.
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[first lines]
Ted Stroehmann: [voice over] When I was 16 years old, I fell in love.
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Norman Phipps: Really? Where would I have seen your work?
Pat Healy: Well, have you been to, uh well, let me see... Santiago, Chile?
Norman Phipps: Twice last year. Which building's yours?
Pat Healy: Are you familiar with the soccer stadium?
Norman Phipps: Did you build the Estadio Olimpico?
Pat Healy: No, just down the street the Celinto Catayente Towers. It's quite a fine example, in fact. I recommend that next time you're up that way that you drop in and take a gander at it yourself.
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Ted Stroehmann: I had my window?
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Mary Jensen: Is that... is that hair gel?
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Ted Stroehmann: So you're moving down to Miami?
Pat Healy: I accepted a job offer.
Ted Stroehmann: With who?
Pat Healy: With... uh... Rice-a-Roni.
Ted Stroehmann: Isn't that the San Francisco treat?
Pat Healy: It *was*. They're changing their image.
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[after telling Mary that he's an architect]
Pat Healy: Really, it's only a side thing for my true passion.
Mary Jensen: And what's that?
Pat Healy: I work with retards.
Mary Jensen: Isn't that a little politically incorrect?
Pat Healy: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one's gonna tell me who I can and can't work with.
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Ted Stroehmann: He never even looked her up down there! He was down there closing his deal with the Rice-a-Roni people the whole time!
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[to her girlfriends]
Mary Jensen: I want a guy who can play 36 holes of golf, and still have enough energy to take Warren and me to a baseball game, and eat sausages, and beer, not lite beer, but beer. That's my ad, print it up.
Brenda: "Fatty who likes golf and beer." Gee, Mary, where are you gonna find a gem like that?
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Mary Jensen: Hey, you want to go upstairs and watch SportsCenter?
Ted Stroehmann: No, I think I'm just going to quit while I'm ahead.
Mary Jensen: You're not that far ahead, Ted.
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Pat Healy: What the hell is Brett Favre doing here?
Brett Favre: I'm in town to play the Dolphins, you dumb ass.
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Mary Jensen: Did you mean what you said up there?
Ted Stroehmann: Well ya I just want you to be happy Mary.
Mary Jensen: But I'd be happiest with you.
Ted Stroehmann: What about Bret Fahvera...?
Mary Jensen: What did I tell you the first time we met? I'm a Niners fan!
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Mary's Step-Father: Oh man! How'd you get the beans above the frank?
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Jonathan: His friends would say stop whining, they've had enough of that. / His friends would say stop pining, there's other girls to look at. / They've tried to set him up with Tiffany and Indigo, / But there's something about Mary that they don't know. / Mary, there's just something about Mary.

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