Bruce Almighty
Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2003
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Number of Quotes: 77
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Bruce Almighty (2003) (Movie)

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[as Bruce arrives late to work]
Homeless Man: [holding up a sign] "R EWE BLIND"
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[last line in the film]
Homeless Man: [holding up a sign] "ARMAGEDON OUTA HERE"
[homeless man morphs into God]
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Announcer: Welcome to Eyewitness News at Six, with Susan Ortega, Evan Baxter, Fred Donahue Sports, Dallas Coleman Weather. And now, Buffalo's Number One News Team.
Susan Ortega: Good Evening and welcome to Eyewitness News at Six. I'm Susan Ortega.
Evan Baxter: And I'm Evan Baxter and here's what's making news. A potential scandal with the Buffalo P.D. surfaced today when the mayor d-bow debit
[choked off]
Evan Baxter: [high pitched] D-bow d-bit d-bow
[unintelligible chicken squawking]
Evan Baxter: Bucka-bow, dee buck.
Director: Someone get him some water please.
Susan Ortega: Looks like my new co-anchor may need a glass of water.
Evan Baxter: [clears throat] Oh, there we go. Sorry about that. In other news the Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today and my tiny little nipples went to France.
Director: What'd he just say? Check the prompter.
Technician: The prompter's fine.
Director: Evan, READ THE COPY. Please. The copy's good. Just read it.
Evan Baxter: The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Ribroast Minister and... I do the cha-cha like a sissy girl. I lik-a do da cha-cha. I'm sorry we seem to be having some technical difficulties. In other news
[breaks wind]
Evan Baxter: Ohhhh. My apologies. Bulla blah, bulla blabity bulla bla
[rapid unitelligible gibberish]
Evan Baxter: Blabity blab bulla blah
[explosive gibberish]
Evan Baxter: [continues for 35 seconds]
[vaguely Chinese]
Evan Baxter: Kaa kaa poo poo. PEE PEE
[nervous laugh]
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Bruce Nolan: Smite me, oh mighty Smiter.
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[at the bakery, Vol is picking his nose ]
Bruce Nolan: It's a good thing I'm wearing this
[tugs at hair net]
Bruce Nolan: because I wouldn't want any stray hairs falling into the booger!
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Bruce Nolan: Sometimes anticipation can heighten the... pleasure
[growls]
Grace Connelly: Oh!
Bruce Nolan: It's a funny thing about pleasure.
Grace Connelly: Wow.
Bruce Nolan: It can be quite...
[yells]
Bruce Nolan: PLEASURABLE!
Grace Connelly: [Bruce's mind control sexually arouses Grace; Grace falls to the toilet seat; chuckles] Oh, my God. Ooh.
Bruce Nolan: [mind controlling arousing continutes] Pleasurable, pleasurable, pleasurable...
Grace Connelly: Oh, God!
[moaning]
Grace Connelly: Oh, Good God!
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Bruce Nolan: So you're the janitor, electrician, the boss. Must be one hell of a Christmas party... don't get drunk though, one of you may need a ride home
[laughing]
God: [laughing] You've always had a sense of humor, Bruce, just like your father.
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Bruce Nolan: It's good. It's goooooood!
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Bruce Nolan, God: It's GOOD.
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Bruce Nolan: Would it help if I said I was being a complete ass?
Kid: Hey. You said "ass".
Bruce Nolan: Yeah, but it's ok if I'm talkin' about a donkey.
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God: People want me to do everything for them. What they don't realize is that they have the power. You want to see a miracle? Be the miracle.
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God: Bruce, you have a divine spark. You have a gift for bringing joy and laughter to the world. I know, I created you.
Bruce Nolan: Quit bragging.
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Bruce Nolan: Where are you going?
God: I'm taking a vacation.
Bruce Nolan: God doesn't take vacations. Does he?... Do... ye?
God: Did you ever hear of the dark ages? Besides, I'm covered. You can clear everything up in five minutes, if you want to. Right?
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Bruce Nolan: I needed time to reassess my goals and get in touch with my true self.
Jack Baylor: You did that in a day?
Bruce Nolan: Imagine what I could do in seven...
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Bruce Nolan: Bruce giveth and Bruce taketh away. Don't like it? Megabyte me.
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Bruce Nolan: Hey, little anal-dwelling butt monkey. Time for you to go home, little buddy.
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Hood: You want me and the homies to apologize right?
[Bruce nods]
Hood: Okay Cool, man, the day a monkey comes out of my butt is the day you'll get your sorry.
Bruce Nolan: What a coincidence, because that's TODAY.
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[Bruce wakes up in the hospital and he's holding the prayer beads]
Bruce Nolan: Okay, now you're just showing off.
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Bruce Nolan: Okay, prayer beads, 'God, please give me a sign.'
[Truck with Danger signs passes him]
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Grace Connelly: Debbie won the lottery.
Bruce Nolan: Oh, yeah? You're kidding.
Grace Connelly: But I guess so did 400,000 other people, so she only won, like, $17.

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