Bruce Almighty
Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2003
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Number of Quotes: 77
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Bruce Almighty (2003) (Movie)

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Bruce Nolan: I can do it, Jack. I can be like Evan.
Jack Baylor: You don't want to be like Evan. Evan's an asshole.
Bruce Nolan: I can be an asshole.
Jack Baylor: No you can't.
[Bruce knocks over Jack's sandwich]
Jack Baylor: You going to get that?
Bruce Nolan: Yeah I'm sorry.
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Grace Connelly: I've got a very rare blood type. I'm AB positive.
Bruce Nolan: Well I'm IB positive. I be positive they ain't touching me with no needle.
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Bruce Nolan: [sticking up his middle finger and pretending he's playing a jazz tune] I can hold that note all day, buddy.
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Bruce Nolan: Nice to meet you, g-d. Nice job on the Grand Canyon and good luck with the apocalypse.
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Bruce Nolan: And that's the way the cookie crumbles.
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Bruce Nolan: Lord, feed the hungry, and bring peace to all of mankind. How's that?
God: Great... If you wanna be Miss America.
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Bruce Nolan: I am Bruce Almighty. My will be done.
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Grace Connelly: Oh, God.
Bruce Nolan: You can call me Bruce.
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[referring to the seven fingers on Bruce's right hand]
God: I did the same thing to Gandhi, he didn't eat for three weeks.
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God: You can't kneel down in the middle of a highway and live to talk about it, son.
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Grace Connelly: I've never seen the moon that big.
Bruce Nolan: We really shouldn't waste it.
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God: Allllllrighty then.
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Bruce Nolan: Love me. Love me.
Grace Connelly: ...I did.
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God: Grace. You want her back?
Bruce Nolan: No. I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. I want her to find someone who will treat her with all the love she deserved from me. I want her to meet someone who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.
God: Now THAT'S a prayer.
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Bruce Nolan: How do you make so many people love you without affecting Free Will?
God: [snorts] Heh, welcome to my world, son. If you come up with an answer to that one, let me know.
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Bruce Nolan: There were so many. I just gave them all what they want.
God: Yeah. But since when does anyone have a clue about what they want?
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Bruce Nolan: The only one around here not doing his job is you!
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Grace Connelly: It's weird. I woke up this morning and I swear my boobs felt bigger. Do they look bigger to you?
Bruce Nolan: Bigger?
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Grace Connelly: So God is picking on you?
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Bruce Nolan: [being overwhelmed with hearing prayers] Give me a break!
[Bruce is instantly transported to meet with God]
God: Really something, isn't it?
Bruce Nolan: Is this heaven?
God: No, this is Mount Everest. You should flip on the Discovery Channel from time to time. But I guess you can't now, being dead and all.
[pause]
Bruce Nolan: I'm *dead*?
God: Naw, I'm just messing with ya.
Bruce Nolan: That's not funny, Man! That is *not* funny.

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