Bruce Almighty
Bruce Almighty

Bruce Almighty

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2003
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Number of Quotes: 77
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Bruce Almighty (2003) (Movie)

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Bruce Nolan: [revving his car] Come on come on... start!
[slams his hands against the steering wheel, the car starts]
Bruce Nolan: [stunned] That was luck.
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Bruce Nolan: Who are you?
God: I'm the one. The Divine Being. Alpha and Omega.
Bruce Nolan: Oh, I see where this is going...
God: Bruce... I'm God.
Bruce Nolan: Bingo! Yahtzee! Is that your final answer? Our survey says... God! Bing bing bing bing bing! Well God, nice job on the Grand Canyon, and good luck with the Apocalypse. Oh, and by the way: you *SUCK*!
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Bruce Nolan: [Sitting in traffic in his Saleen S7] Gee, all this horsepower, and no room to gallop!
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Bruce Nolan: [the body of Jimmy Hoffa has just been exhumed] Hey kid, wanna make 10 bucks?
Kid: Sure
Bruce Nolan: [holding a video camera] You know how to work one of these?
Kid: Duh!
Bruce Nolan: [blows into the eye piece like a trumpet] Seems to be in tune. Let's do this!
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Bruce Nolan: [Walks out of his apartment singing, and notices his beat-up car] Good grief, is THAT what I'm driving?
Teen: [When bruce starts his car, a more powerful engine starts revving] Whoa! Nice car, man!
Bruce Nolan: Yeah... It gets me from A to B
[Bruce backs out of his space to reveal he is now in a Saleen S7 supercar]
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God: [reading from a manuscript of what Bruce said the previous evening] "The gloves are off, God.", "God has taken my bird and my bush.", "God is a mean kid with a magnifying glass.", "Smite me, O Mighty Smiter." Now, I'm not big on blasphemy, but that last one made me laugh.
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Bruce Nolan: What is with that?
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[last lines]
Bruce Nolan: How was that?
Grace Connelly: That was great.
Bruce Nolan: Yea?
Grace Connelly: That was really great. Now you still have to go over there. The nurse is waiting
Bruce Nolan: Do I have to
Grace Connelly: Oh, it's not going to hurt. In fact I think you'll find it quite pleasurable.
Bruce Nolan: Hum, really.
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Bruce Nolan: Ally, can we get a recap?
Ally Loman: You remember the Kowalskis? They've owned the shop for thirty years and they're attempting to set a record by making Buffalo's largest cookie.
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Bruce Nolan: I'm Bruce Nolan with Eyewitness Nose... Eyewitness Nose... that's right!
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Bruce Nolan: So tell us mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Mama Kowolski: Well, man from health department say he find rat pellet in store. I say no is big chocolate chip. So we close store down, clean up, and make big cookie for to bring back customers
Bruce Nolan: Let's try that again, shall we?
Bruce Nolan: [New take] So tell us mama, why make Buffalo's biggest cookie?
Mama Kowolski: So all the children in the neighborhood will be happy?
Bruce Nolan: And isn't it nice to see all their smiling faces?
Vol Kowolski: I work in back. I see no smiles.
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Bruce Nolan: [breaking out of a freeze] Hi, Susan!
Grace Connelly: Oh, thank you, God.
Bruce Nolan: Bruce Nolan here, aboard the Maid of the Mist in fabulous Niagara Falls, New York.
Bruce Nolan: First off, let me just add another congratulations to Evan Backstabber - pardon me, Bastard. Baxter, rather. It is good to see what someone with real talent can do when great opportunities are given to them instead of me. Anyway, I'm here with Katherine Hepburn's mom. Tell me, why did you toss the "blue heart of the ocean" jewel over the railing of Titanic? Did you feel bad at all letting Leo DiCaprio drown, while you were safe floating on the big door? Could you have taken turns, or were you just too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?
Grace Connelly: [gasps in disbelief]
Bruce Nolan: Hmm. I guess that's how life is, isn't it? Some people are drenched, freezing to death, on a stupid boat, with a stupid hat, while others are in a comfy news studio, suckin' up all the glory. Oh, well. No big deal.
[mashes and discards stupid umbrella hat]
Control Booth Operator: Oh, boy.
Bruce Nolan: Oh, look! It's the owner of the Maid of the Mist. Let's have a talk with him, shall we? Come on in here, Bill...
Bill: That's all right.
Bruce Nolan: No, no, no, no. No, no. Come on, let's have a talk.
Grace Connelly: Come on. What are you *doing*?
Bruce Nolan: Bill, you've been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years now. Tell me, why do you think I didn't get the anchor job?
Bill: Hey, man, I don't want any problems...
Bruce Nolan: [messes his hair] Is it my hair, Bill? Are my teeth not white enough? Or, like the great falls, is the bedrock
[shouts]
Bruce Nolan: of my life, eroding beneath me?
[sticking his face into the camera]
Bruce Nolan: Eroding, eeeeroding, eeeeerodding.
Jack Baylor: Cut the feed. Cut to black.
Control Booth Operator: I'm on it.
Bruce Nolan: I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness News. Back to you, fuckers!
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Bruce Nolan: Behind every great man... is a woman rolling her eyes.
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[on Buffalo's biggest cookie]
Bruce Nolan: We have a new record. Cue the cheesy inspirational music.
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Bruce Nolan: B-E-A-utiful. Come on, let's go back inside and have a shit.
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[repeated line]
Bruce Nolan: B-E-A-utiful.
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[first lines]
Bruce Nolan: God, why do you hate me?

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