Me, Myself & Irene
Me, Myself & Irene

Me, Myself & Irene

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2000
Genre: Comedy
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Me, Myself & Irene (2000) (Movie)

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Narrator: It's funny how a man reacts when his heart has been broken. Some men break down and cry like a baby. And some others take an uzi and climb a clock tower.
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Hank Evans: Ever been bitch slapped?
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[after Hank Evans has a bowel movement on the neighbor's lawn]
Shonte Jr.: Damn, do you think daddy's getting too much stress?
Lee Harvey: I think he's getting too much shredded wheat by the mothafuckin' look of it!
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Jamaal: Our daddy didn't kill no cop and he sure as shit didn't kidnap no skinny-ass bitch!
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Hank Evans: What the hell are you still doing here?
Charlie Baileygates: You can't just throw me away, Hank, we're in this together.
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Charlie Baileygates: I turn my back for one moment then you stick it up my ass. Literally!
Irene P. Waters: For your information, you stuck it in your own ass!
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Irene P. Waters: So I smoked some pot, what is that a crime?
Agent Steve Parfitt: [hesitates] ... Uh-huh.
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Shonte Jr.: [On Charlie's new chin] He sure is a Spartacus looking motherfucker.
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Irene P. Waters: Does your ass feel swolen.
Charlie Baileygates: [referring to his pills] No. But it can give you unbelievable cotton-mouth.
Irene P. Waters: I meant from the ride.
Charlie Baileygates: Oh. Oh, yeah. Over the years my ass has taken a pounding.
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Officer Stubie: Would someone please get this chicken out of my ass?
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[after Hank crashes the guy's car into his shop]
Hank Evans: There ya go, buddy. I parked it for ya. And by the way, you got a headlight out.
[Puts ticket on the windshield]
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[Whitey and Charlie are lying in bed in a hotel room together]
Charlie Baileygates: So, Whitey, what happened to your family?
Whitey: I killed them. I hacked them up with a hammer while they were asleep. Ma, Pa, Bro, Sis. She was awake, my sis. I was just released from prison on my 21st birthday. I wasn't ready to leave but they said I had to. Fucked up law, huh?
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[inside an airplane]
Whitey: It's gonna be raining wine and roses tonight.
Jamaal: It's gonna be raining my motherfucking cookies if motherfuckers don't cut out this turbulence shit!
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[a kid with glasses stares mindlessly at Charlie, who then transforms into Hank]
Hank Evans: What are you staring at, fuckface?
Guy on Street: What is your problem?
Hank Evans: I got no beef with you. This is between me and the boy.
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Guy on Street: Hey big guy, you hear the news, my son Billy got the lead in his school musical.
Hank Evans: Well I guess he likes the cock after all.
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Hank Evans: Well looky here, it's a human Q-tip.
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Shonte Jr.: Man how the hell can they call Pluto a planet? No motherfucking planet has an elliptical orbit. This shit don't make no sense.
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Shonte Jr.: Motherfucker! That Vince Foster was murdered!
Lee Harvey: Would you quit hacking into them Pentagon files. Never mind who them crooked politicians be killing. You need to go your goddamn studyin'!
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Colonel Partington: Charlie, why didn't you take a vacation when Layla left?
Charlie Baileygates: Why... why would I? Wives leaves their husbands everyday in this country... It's no reason to short change the department... it's not like I had the flu!
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[after escaping Lieutenant Gerke]
Irene P. Waters: Calling that cop was unbelievably stupid!
Hank Evans: Woa, woa, woa, wooa! Tweak the high end on your emotional EQ, sweetpeak. The funky chicken was Charlie's dance. I'm a tango man myself.

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