Me, Myself & Irene
Me, Myself & Irene

Me, Myself & Irene

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 2000
Genre: Comedy
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Me, Myself & Irene (2000) (Movie)

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[Dunking little girl in fountain]
Charlie Baileygates: You had enough?
Little Girl: I'm gonna tell my daddy on you, Charlie!
Charlie Baileygates: Wrong answer. And the names Hank, fuckface.
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Jamaal, Lee Harvey, Shonte Jr.: Thanks for watching our motherfucking movie!
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Hank Evans: The name's Hank, fuck face, learn it!
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Lee Harvey: He's so stupid he thinks Calculus is a God damn emperor!
Shonte Jr.: Yeah well you think Polypeptide's a motherfuckin' toothpaste!
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Hank Evans: So, what's your tale, Mother Goose? Where ya from?
Irene P. Waters: Oh, all over.
Hank Evans: Omnipresence. I like that in a woman.
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Lee Harvey: Is your old lady happy?
Lieutenant Gerke: Is my old lady happy?
Lee Harvey: Yeah, because if your fuckin' is anything like your police work then you couldn't hit the G-spot on a twelve pound pussy.
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[Layla leaves Charlie for the Limo Driver]
Charlie Baileygates: But you said you'd eat whale blubber.
Limo Driver: She'll be eating blubber all right, just as soon as I free "Willy."
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Charlie Baileygates: Will you stay with me, no matter what?
Layla: Of course, Charlie.
Charlie Baileygates: Well, what if I had to move to the Arctic and you could never come home and you had to eat whale blubber for the rest of your life, would you still stay with me?
Layla: Yeah, I'd stay. But I hope that never happens.
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Irene P. Waters: Stay away from me, Hank! I know what you have planned, OK? I saw your so-called "supplies."
Hank Evans: Oh... that! I wasn't gonna just... ram it home, you know. I was gonna... lube it up and ease it in there, inch by inch, like a gentleman.
Irene P. Waters: I was talking about the shovel and the lime.
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[Charlie takes his medication at the Massena Police Station]
Irene P. Waters: What are those for?
Charlie Baileygates: Oh! It's just this stupid thing. I have to take a pill every six hours or I feel... funny. No big deal.
Irene P. Waters: What's it called?
Charlie Baileygates: Advanced delusionary schizophrenia with involuntary narcissistic rage.
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Hank Evans: You know, I think you're a very special unit.
Irene P. Waters: That's sweet.
Hank Evans: I hope we get to know each other better.
Irene P. Waters: Yeah, me too.
Hank Evans: Do you swallow?
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[in a police helicopter on the ground]
Shonte Jr.: Anybody know how to fly this damn thing?
Jamaal: Motherfucker, it can't be that hard, it's just lift versus drag and rotation.
Lee Harvey: Yeah, man, get your head out your ass.
Shonte Jr.: It's not that, man, the controls are written in German, ya asshole.
Lee Harvey: Motherfucker, you speak German don't you?
Shonte Jr.: Motherfucker, I can speak it, I ain't saying I can read the shit all that good.
Jamaal: [Grabs instruction book] You a motherfuckin' disgrace!
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Officer Stubie: I promise you when I find your old man, I am personally gonna fuck him up!
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Jamaal: Lee Harvey, what's the diameter of a chicken egg?
Lee Harvey: 4.08 centimeters.
Jamaal: No what's that in inches?
Lee Harvey: 1.61, what the fuck you gettin' at?
Jamaal: I got ten bucks saying I can squeeze a chicken egg up his ass without it breaking.
Shonte Jr.: You can't put no chicken egg up his ass, Man, look at him, he a tightass.
Jamaal: No, it can be done.
Lee Harvey: I'll take that bet.
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Charlie Baileygates: I never said anything remotely racist!
Limo Driver: Oooh, so it's the little people thing, than?
Charlie Baileygates: No!
Limo Driver: You think just coz I'm small you can just push me around? Well, come on my friend. Let's boogie! I'm gonna give a little lesson in low center of gravity!
[Limo Driver chases Charlie]
Charlie Baileygates: Hey, cut it! Stop it now, Sir!
Limo Driver: Don't patronize me with that 'Sir' crap!
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Shonte Jr.: Damn. I can't figure out the atomic mass of this motherfuckin' deutron!
Jamaal: Shit, that's simple. Tell me this-what's a deutron made of?
Shonte Jr.: A proton and a neutron.
Jamaal: Then what's this motherfuckin' electron doing over here?
Shonte Jr.: I don't know.
Jamaal: Well get it outta there then!
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Shonte Jr.: Okay so I add up the atomic masses of the proton and neutron, I see's that, but what do I do with the goddam electron? Can I bring it over here?
Jamaal: Enrico Fermi would roll over in his motherfucking grave if he heard that stupid shit. I mean he would just turn over ass up in your face and wouldn't give a fuck!
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Lee Harvey: Hey, Jamaal, just cut my man some slack.
Jamaal: Look I'm just trying to help him save face, okay? If he keep asking questions like that, motherfuckers gonna think he stupid.
Shonte Jr.: I ain't stupid.
Charlie Baileygates: Hey, morning boys. What's all the commotion?
Jamaal: Oh you know, just school shit and shit.
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Hank Evans: Hey ringworm...
[Softball Player looks around]
Hank Evans: Yeah I'm talking to you, you toxic waste of life. You gonna pick that butt up, or do I have to glue it to the end of my shoe and stick it in your big fat pimply a-hole?
Softball Player: Hey buddy, chill out. It's just a cigarette.
Hank Evans: Oh yeah? Well this is just a fist. But when I start throwing it around I can leave one hell of a mess.
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[When a guy throws a cigarette butt onto the ground]
Hank Evans: Well fuck my ozone.

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