Liar Liar
Liar Liar

Liar Liar

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 1997
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Liar Liar (1997) (Movie)

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Fletcher Reede: [exclaims] AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client LIED about her age, she was only seventeen when she got married which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent, including?
[looks at Dana]
Dana Appleton: Prenuptial agreements.
Fletcher Reede: Prenuptial agreements! This contract is VOID. The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard community property applies and she is entitled to half the marital assests, or $11.395 million dollars. Jordan fades back, shwoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor.
Dana Appleton: [breaks pencil]
Judge Marshall Stevens: [talks to crows] Quiet. In light of this new evidence, the court must rule in favor of Mrs. Cole. She is hearby awarded half the marital assests.
[pounds gavel]
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Dana Appleton: You Wanna play hard ball? I'm game.
Fletcher Reede: [mockingly] Wanna play hard ball? I'm game.
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Fletcher Reede: [on phone] HI! Judge Stevens I'm scheduled to be in your courtroom in half an hour? Judge Stevens I badly, BADLY need a continuance!... Ill? Am I ill? That is the perfect question for you to ask!.
[to Greta]
Fletcher Reede: GRETA please LIE to him for me!
Greta: I remember when you bought me this antique silver fram from tiffany's... TIFFANY'S?
Fletcher Reede: [in a high pitched voice] ... Garage sale $6.50 marked down from $10.00!"
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Fletcher Reede: Is this guy right for you? I mean, he's just so, not me!
Audrey: Yes, that's one of his best qualities.
Fletcher Reede: Yeah, but he's kind of, magoo... I'm sorry.
Audrey: You're wrong! I mean, sometimes, maybe yes, he is a litte bit...
Fletcher Reede: Magoo!
Audrey: Yes.
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Greta: [in an annoyed tone] You told me you bought this picture frame at Tiffany's. Tiffany's?
Fletcher Reede: [high-pitched voice] Garage sale six-fifty marked down from ten.
[Greta drops picture frame and smashes]
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Fletcher Reede: You had sex with her didn't ya, DIDN'T YA! You dunked your donut, you stuffed her like a Thanksgiving turkey!
[Makes gobbling noises while pushing himself against the table]
Kenneth Falk: ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT! IT'S TRUE! I humped her brains out! There, ya happy?
Fletcher Reede: No further questions...
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Fletcher Reede: Are you marrying this guy because you're mad at me?
Audrey: No - I divorced you because I was mad at you.
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Fletcher Reede: What is WRONG with me?
[monotonous]
Fletcher Reede: I'm getting what I deserve. I'm reaping what I sow. I'm...
[covers his own mouth]
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Fat Coworker: Hey, what's up, Fletcher?
Fletcher Reede: Your cholesterol, fatty!
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Fletcher Reede: Where would Tina Turner be right now if she'd rolled over and said, "Hit me again, Ike, and put some stank on it!"? Rollin' on the river, that's where she'd be. But she's beyond Thunderdome, because she decided to send a message?
[yells]
Fletcher Reede: Wake up, sisters! There is nooooooo such thing as a weaker sex!
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Judge Marshall Stevens: Afternoon, Counselors. Are we ready to begin?
Fletcher Reede: No, sir! We are NOT ready to begin, because my client has not arrived!
[Samantha and children enter]
Samantha Cole: [to children] Hurry up! Move it!
Fletcher Reede: [singing] Here she comes to wreck the daaaay!
Judge Marshall Stevens: MISTER Reede!
Fletcher Reede: Sorry, Your Honor!
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Fletcher Reede: Mr. Falk, would I be accurate, if I described your relationship with Mrs. Cole as totally professional? I *object*, Your Honor, and I move to strike!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, I don't know what you're on, but you better get to the point, and quick!
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Jerry: [pretends to hit Max] One, two three, four,five, and one for good luck!
Fletcher Reede: [to Audrey] He struck the child, did you see that?
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Fletcher Reede: Audrey, good news, both my legs are broken so they can't take me straight to jail.
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[Fletcher witnesses a kiss of greeting between his ex-wife and Jerry]
Fletcher Reede: Wow! That was a nice image...
[makes typing noise]
Fletcher Reede: *Deleted*!
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Fletcher Reede: Your honor, would the court be willing to grant me a short bathroom break?
Judge Marshall Stevens: Can't it wait?
Fletcher Reede: Yes it can. But I've heard that if you hold it you could damage the prostate gland, making it very difficult to get an erection, or even become aroused!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Is that true?
Fletcher Reede: It has to be!
Judge Marshall Stevens: In that case I'd better take a quick break myself.
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[Fletcher is on the phone with his mother]
Fletcher Reede: [listens for a moment] Because I didn't want to talk to you!
[pauses, listening]
Fletcher Reede: Because you insist on talking about Dad's bowel movements; size, color, frequency, I"LL CALL YA LATER!
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[the court erupts]
Judge Marshall Stevens: Order! Order! ORDER!
Fletcher Reede: [to crowd] Knock it off!
Judge Marshall Stevens: SIT DOWN!
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[the lights turn on after Max makes a wish and blows out the candles]
Max Reede: Mom? Dad?
[Audrey and Fletcher are kissing]
Fletcher Reede: MAX? Did you wish for your mom and I to get back together again?
Max Reede: No. I wished for rollerblades!
Audrey: Uh... wanna cut the cake... Dad?
Fletcher Reede: I would love to... but I have this horrible pain in my arm...
Audrey: Oh no... run ITS THE CLAW!
Fletcher Reede: NOTHING CAN STOP THE CLAWWWW!
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Judge Marshall Stevens: It is only out of sheer morbid curiosity that I am allowing this freak show to continue.

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