Liar Liar
Liar Liar

Liar Liar

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 1997
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Liar Liar (1997) (Movie)

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Judge Marshall Stevens: How are we this morning, Counselor?
Dana Appleton: Fine, thank you.
Judge Marshall Stevens: And how about you, Mr. Reede?
Fletcher Reede: I'm a little upset about a bad sexual episode I had last night.
[Shocked pause]
Judge Marshall Stevens: Well, you're young. It'll happen more and more. In the meantime, what do you say we get down to business?
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Busty Woman on Elevator: Everybody's been real nice.
Fletcher Reede: Well, that's because you've got big jugs. I mean your boobs are huge. I mean, I wanna squeeze 'em. Mama!
[puckers up]
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[while hearing Mrs. Cole having sex on an audio cassette]
Fletcher Reede: Oh, come on! Your honor, how can it be proved that the male voice on that tape is not Mr. Cole himself?
Samantha Cole: [voice on tape] You are such a better lover than my husband!
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Police Officer: I found him like this in the bathroom, your honor. Somebody beat the hell out of him!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Who did this?
Fletcher Reede: A mad man, your honor, a desperate fool at the end of his pitiful rope.
Judge Marshall Stevens: What did he look like?
Fletcher Reede: About 6'2", 180lbs. big teeth, kinda gangly.
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[about Mr. Allen]
Miranda: Well, what do you think of him?
Fletcher Reede: He's a pedantic, pontificating, pretentious bastard, a belligerent old fart, a worthless steaming pile of cow dung, figuratively speaking.
[a moment passes and Mr. Allen starts laughing. The other board members follow his lead and start laughing also]
Mr. Allen: That's the funniest damn thing I've ever heard. You're a real card, Reede. I love a good roast. Do Simmons.
Fletcher Reede: Simmons is old. He should've been out of the game years ago but he can't stay home because he hates his wife. You've met her at the Christmas parties, she's the one that gets plastered and calls him a retard, and you, Tom; you're the biggest brownnose I've ever seen. You've got your head so far up Mr. Allen's ass, I can't tell where you end and he begins.
Mr. Allen: [roaring with laughter] Priceless!
[Fletcher continues with every member]
Fletcher Reede: You have bad breath caused by gingivitis. You couldn't get a porn star off. Your hairpiece looks like something that was killed crossing the highway. I don't know whether to comb it or scrape it off with a shovel and bury it in lime. Loser! Idiot! Wimp! Degenerate! *Slut*!
Mr. Allen: I like your style, Reede! That's just what this stuffy company needs - a little irreverence!
Fletcher Reede: Good! I'll see you later, dick-head!
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Fletcher Reede: The fact that my client has been ridden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant.
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Max Reede: Look, Jerry, Dad got me baseball stuff!
Jerry: [to Max] Cool!
[to Fletcher]
Jerry: Great gift, Dad!
Fletcher Reede: [to Jerry] Thanks, son!
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Miranda: [coming up behind Fletcher] Fletcher.
Fletcher Reede: [shouts] Holy hell!
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Fletcher Reede: Mrs. Cole, is this a copy of your driver's liscense?
[shows paper]
Samantha Cole: That's right.
Fletcher Reede: It says here you are a blonde, are you? If you don't remember perhaps Mr. Faulk will.
Samantha Cole: Brunette.
Fletcher Reede: Maybe if we play the tape again, maybe it's on there...
Samantha Cole: I'm a brunette!
Fletcher Reede: Thank you. Now let's see... weight 105? Yeah, in your bra.
Dana Appleton: Your honor, I object.
Fletcher Reede: You would!
Dana Appleton: Bastard!
Fletcher Reede: Hag!
Judge Marshall Stevens: QUIET! Overruled! Weight?
Samantha Cole: 118.
[Fletcher gives her a look]
Samantha Cole: Alright, fine, fine, I'm 127.
Fletcher Reede: Uh, huh, and it says here you were born in 1964, but that's not true either is it? Is it!
Samantha Cole: No.
Fletcher Reede: Please tell the court what's on your birth certificate under Date of Birth.
Dana Appleton: Your honor, I object. What does this have to do with anything?
Judge Marshall Stevens: Overruled. Mrs. Cole, answer the question.
Samantha Cole: 1965.
Fletcher Reede: Now let get this straight. That means you lied about your age to make yourself older. But why would any woman want to DO THAT?
Samantha Cole: I changed it so I could get married.
Fletcher Reede: AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE! My client lied about her age! She was only 17 when she got married, which makes her a minor. And in the great state of California, no minor can enter into any legal contract without parental consent.
[to Dana]
Fletcher Reede: Including...?
Dana Appleton: [sighs] Prenuptual agreements.
Fletcher Reede: Prenuptual agreements! This contract is void! The fact that my client has been riden more than Seattle Slew is irrelevant. Standard Community Property applies and she is entitled to half of the marital assets, or $11.395 million. Jordan fades back, swoosh, and THAT'S THE GAME! Nothing further, your honor!
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Fletcher Reede: Weight, 105. Yeah, in your bra!
Dana Appleton: Your Honor, I object!
Fletcher Reede: You would!
Dana Appleton: BASTARD!
Fletcher Reede: HAG!
Judge Marshall Stevens: QUIET! Overruled!
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Greta: And your ex-wife called, she wants to know when you're coming to pick up your son.
Fletcher Reede: Oh, I'm such a shit!
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Fletcher Reede: I was hoping after being married to me you'd have no more strength left.
Audrey: Well, you have to remember that when we were married, I wasn't having sex nearly as often as you were.
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Fletcher Reede: Jerry, enjoy my wife.
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Driver: What's your problem, Schmuck!
Fletcher Reede: I'm an inconsiderate prick!
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Dana Appleton: He's badgering the witness!
Judge Marshall Stevens: It's his witness!
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Audrey: Where were you?
Fletcher Reede: Having sex.
Audrey: Well, I hope it was with someone *very* special!
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Jerry: I love you!
Audrey: Thank you
Jerry: Well, that's wasn't exactly the answer I was hoping for...
Audrey: Thank you very much?
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Fletcher Reede: Why don't you go play in the office a minute. Sue someone for everything they've got. Maybe you send a fax to one of your girlfriends!
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Max Reede: My teacher tells me beauty is on the inside.
Fletcher Reede: That's just something ugly people say.
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Max Reede: I wish, for just one day, Dad couldn't tell a lie.

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