Liar Liar
Liar Liar

Liar Liar

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 1997
Genre: Comedy / Fantasy
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Liar Liar (1997) (Movie)

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Max Reede: Do the claw to mom, dad, do the claw to mom!
Fletcher Reede: Uh-oh. You've found the claw's only weakness. Subzero temperatures.
[Splatting sound]
Audrey: So did you have any trouble finding the place?
Fletcher Reede: All right, I'm late. I ran oughta gas! The gauge is broken. Rough neighborhood too. Good thing I was wearing neutral gang colors. Might've had to rip out my nine and bust a cap! My mind on my money and my money on my mind!
Audrey: They'd never hurt you, Fletcher. You're their lawyer.
Fletcher Reede: Ooh. That was below the belt. Try to keep the gloves up.
Max Reede: Mom, dad's taking me to see wrestling!
Audrey: Ugh. Fletcher!
Fletcher Reede: Ugh. Audrey!
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Fat Coworker: What's Up, Fletcher?
Fletcher Reede: Your cholesterol, Fatty! Dead man walkin'!
Randy: Hey, Fletcher!
Fletcher Reede: Hey! You're not important enough to remember!
Zit Boy: What'll it be, Fletcher?
Fletcher Reede: A pock mark, eventually!
Greta: Mr. Reede?
Fletcher Reede: Don't ask! For God sake, don't ask!
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Fletcher Reede: Mrs. Cole, the only problem here is that after you've provided years of faithful service and loving support raising his children - They are his?
Samantha Cole: Oh yeah. One for sure.
Fletcher Reede: After all that, your husband wants to deny you a fair and equitable share of the marital assets based on one single act of indiscretion.
Samantha Cole: Seven.
Fletcher Reede: Beg your pardon?
Samantha Cole: Seven single acts of indiscretion.
Fletcher Reede: SEVEN! acts of indiscretion, only one of which he has any evidence and all of which he himself is responsible for.
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Max Reede: My dad? He's... a liar.
Teacher: A liar? I'm sure you don't mean a liar.
Max Reede: Well, he wears a suit and goes to court and talks to the judge.
Teacher: Oh, you mean he's a lawyer.
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Greta: Mr. Reede, several years ago a friend of mine had a burglar on her roof, a burglar. He fell through the kitchen skylight, landed on a cutting board, on a butcher's knife, cutting his leg. The burglar sued my friend, he sued my friend. And because of guys like you *he won*. My friend had to pay the burglar $6,000. Is that justice?
Fletcher Reede: No!
[Greta looks pleased, but then Fletcher continues]
Fletcher Reede: I'd have got him ten.
[Greta stalks off, appalled]
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Jerry: Hey, great gift dad.
Fletcher Reede: Thanks son. I'm so glad my gift can bring the two of them together. My plan to phase myself out is almost complete.
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Fletcher Reede: You brought your kids to your court hearing?
Samantha Cole: Sympathy.
Fletcher Reede: Well, it's working! I feel sorry for them already!
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Office Worker: Hey, Fletcher, how's it hanging?
Fletcher Reede: [groans] Short, shriveled, and always to the left.
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Guy in the Washroom: What the hell are you doing?
Fletcher Reede: I'm kicking my ass! Do you mind?
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Fletcher Reede: Your honor, I object!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Why?
Fletcher Reede: Because it's devastating to my case!
Judge Marshall Stevens: Overruled.
Fletcher Reede: Good call!
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Max Reede: If I keep making this face... will it get stuck that way?
Fletcher Reede: Uh uh. As a matter of fact, some people make a very good living that way.
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Fletcher Reede: The pen is blue, the pen is blue, the goddamn pen is blue!
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Fletcher Reede: [Fletcher is trying to convince Greta to believe her about Max's wish] You don't believe me, do you?
Greta: Of course not
Fletcher Reede: [laughs dryly] Hahaha. How ironic. Okay, ask me something. Ask me something which you think I lied about.
Greta: Okay. Remember a few months' back when I asked you about a raise...?
Fletcher Reede: Forget it. I don't wanna do this!
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Jane: Do you like my new dress?
Fletcher Reede: What ever takes the focus off your head!
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Greta: [after bailing Fletcher out of jail] Am I too late? Have you been sexually molested yet because I can circle the block.
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Bum: Got any spare change?
Fletcher Reede: Absolutely!
Bum: Could ya spare some?
Fletcher Reede: Yes I could!
Bum: Will ya?
Fletcher Reede: HMM-MMM!!!
Bum: How come!?
Fletcher Reede: Because I believe you will buy booze with it! I just want to get from my car to the office without being confronted by the decay of western society!... Plus I'm cheap! AHHH!
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Greta: He knocked over another ATM. This time at knife point. He needs your legal advice.
Fletcher Reede: [picking up phone and shouting] Stop breaking the law, asshole!
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Max Reede: Is wrestling real?
Fletcher Reede: In the Olympics, yes. On channel 23, no.
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Cop: You know why I pulled you over?
Fletcher Reede: Depends on how long you were following me!
Cop: Why don't we just take it from the top?
Fletcher Reede: Here goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at the intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and *speeding*!
Cop: Is that all?
Fletcher Reede: No... I have unpaid parking tickets.
[groans]
Fletcher Reede: ... be gentle.
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Judge Marshall Stevens: Mr. Reede, one more word out of you, and I will hold you in contempt!
Fletcher Reede: I hold *myself* in contempt! Why should you be any different?

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