Cable Guy
Cable Guy

The Cable Guy

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User Rating: 2 / 5
(1 vote)
Year: 1996
Genre: Comedy / Thriller
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from The Cable Guy (1996) (Movie)

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Chip Douglas: [the police arrive at the satellite dish]
[mock terror]
Chip Douglas: Uh-oh, Steven called the fuzz! "Bad boys, bad boys... whatcha gonna do?"
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Steven Kovacs: The cable guy is missing in action.
[talking with Rick on the phone]
Steven Kovacs: Apparantly he is gonna be here between eight a.m. and my death.
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Chip Douglas: [on answering machine] I was just blow drying my hair, thought I heard the phone ring. Ah... has that ever happened to you? Anyway... call me, we'll talk about it.
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The Cable Guy: Cable Guy!
Steven Kovacs: [in the shower] Oh, shit!
The Cable Guy: Caable Guuuy!
Steven Kovacs: I'm coming!
[grabs a towel, heads for the door]
The Cable Guy: [yells] Caaable guuuy!
Steven Kovacs: Don't leave!
[Steven reaches the door, peeks outside]
The Cable Guy: [leaving, sounding angry] Jesu Cristo!
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Chip Douglas: [his first lines] Caaaaaaaable guuuuuuy!
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Chip Douglas: [after Steven has jumped on to the latter] Nice jump, Spider-Man!
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Chip Douglas: It was my treat.
Steven Kovacs: What do you mean it was your treat?
Chip Douglas: You know, I bought this time. You buy next time... Don't let your eggs get cold.
Steven Kovacs: Buy what?
Chip Douglas: What do you mean 'buy what'? The women.
Steven Kovacs: [after pause] Do... do you mean that Heather is a prostitute?
Chip Douglas: Of course she is. You think a woman like that would hang out with us if we weren't paying her?
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Chip Douglas: [on answering machine] Hey man. It's me again. I was just taking a whizz. Thought you might have called. Okay, later.
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[playing Porno Password - the password is "Nipple"]
Chip Douglas: Hard...
Robin Harris: Erection?
Chip Douglas: [sighs] No. But thanks for noticing.
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[they are playing Porno Password - the password is "Vagina"]
Chip Douglas: Penis. Penis. Penis...?
Robin Harris: Vagina?
Chip Douglas: YES! She said "vagina"! She said "vagina"!
Steven's father: I would've said "schlong".
Chip Douglas: Great. Now we're starting to get this.
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Rick: I have a list here of every cable installer fired in the last four years. Check out some of these names: Murray Slaughter, George Jetson, Jean Luc Picard, there's even somebody who liked to call himself "The Big Ragoo".
Steven Kovacs: Carmichael from Laverne & Shirley.
Rick: That's so sad that you know that. Anyway, the cable company has just fired somebody six months ago named Darrin Stephens. You may remember his boss, Larry Tate, from a little show called Bewitched.
Steven Kovacs: So... He doesn't even work for the cable company.
Rick: Yahtzee! They booted his ass for stalking customers. This guy is deeply troubled. If I were you, I'd lock up *tight*.
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Chip Douglas: I just wanna hang out. NO BIG DEAL!
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Steven Kovacs: Guard! This is the guy who framed me. He set me up. Arrest him!
Chip Douglas: Hey Bernie, how's that sports package?
[Bernie gives him a thumbs up]
Chip Douglas: Okay!
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Helicopter paramedic: Hang in there, pal! You're gonna make it, buddy.
Chip Douglas: Hey!
[helicopter paramedic learns forward]
Chip Douglas: Am I really your buddy?
Helicopter paramedic: Yeah, sure you are.
[an evil grin spreads across Chip's face]
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[Chip is danging over a ledge above the giant cable dish]
Steven Kovacs: You'll be fine. I'll be your pal, just come on up!
Chip Douglas: No. It's too late for me, but there are alot of little cable boys and girls out there who STILL have a chance! Don't you understand, Steven? Somebody has to kill the babysitter.
[drops from ledge and freefalls towards dish]
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[Steven is in jail]
Chip Douglas: Hello, Steven, I came as soon as I could.
Steven Kovacs: What's your real name?
Chip Douglas: It's Larry Tate, but that's not what's important right now. We have to get you out of here. I was watching Court TV and I found a loophole in your case. I'm gonna talk to the judge about a writ of Habeas Corpus. I'll put the SYSTEM on trial.
Steven Kovacs: Why are you doing this to me?
Chip Douglas: I didn't do this to you, you did this to you.
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Medieval Times host: Quickly, muster atop your steed. Buddy, get on the friggin' horse. I don't think he's kidding.
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Steven Kovacs: I hate you! Get out of my life!
Chip Douglas: He's projecting all of his anger onto me. Maybe I should go.
Robin Harris: No, don't go. Steven, you are being an asshole!
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Robin's date: [signaling the waiter] Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me, pardon me, pardon me, hey what's the story with our chicken, man? Have the eggs had a chance to hatch yet? Maybe you can go check on it for me, my friend, if it's not too much trouble for you.
[the waiter walks off]
Robin's date: Okay, I'm sorry to put you out.
[Turns to Robin]
Robin's date: See the attitude?
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Steven Kovacs: What are you doing?
Chip Douglas: I'm just talking trash.
Steven Kovacs: You ruined the game.
Chip Douglas: I don't appreciate your tone, Steve. Friends aren't supposed to talk to each other that way...
Steven Kovacs: What are you talking about? We're not friends. I don't even know you.
Chip Douglas: Well let's change that. Let me buy you a Heineken.

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