Cable Guy
Cable Guy

The Cable Guy

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User Rating: 2 / 5
(1 vote)
Year: 1996
Genre: Comedy / Thriller
Number of Quotes: 67
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from The Cable Guy (1996) (Movie)

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Chip Douglas: Dos thus have thou a mug of ale for me and me mate, for he hath been pitched in battle for a fortnight and has the king's thirst for the frosty brew dos thou might have for thus!
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Chip Douglas: The blue knight rules! The red knight sucks the big one! Down, down, down. Right knight goin' down. Down, down, down. Red knight goin' down.
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Chip Douglas: I forgive you. I only hope my neurologist will feel the same.
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Chip Douglas: I can be your best friend or your worst enemy. You seem to prefer the latter.
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Chip Douglas: The future is now! Soon every American home will integrate their television, phone and computer. You'll be able to visit the Louvre on one channel, or watch female wrestling on another. You can do your shopping at home, or play Mortal Kombat with a friend from Vietnam. There's no end to the possibilities!
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Steven Kovacs: Hey, wait, come back!
Chip Douglas: Well look who decided to show.
Steven Kovacs: You were supposed to be here 4 hours ago.
Chip Douglas: Was I? So I'm the tardy one?
Steven Kovacs: Yeah, I was gonna go to that bed and bath place and now it's closed.
Chip Douglas: Well maybe I shouldn't have come at all, JERK OFF! I'm just jokin' with ya.
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Chip Douglas: Call it one guy doing another guy a solid.
Steven Kovacs: That is so nice!
Chip Douglas: Well you're a nice guy! You'd be surprised how many customers treat me like snot, like I'm a goddamn plumber or somethin'.
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Chip Douglas: Here is a comment card. Please mail it in when I am done.
Steven Kovacs: Does this go to your boss?
Chip Douglas: No it goes to me, I'm sort of a perfectionis... perfectionis... t.
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Chip Douglas: I got you the big screen TV, deluxe karaoke machine, and THX quality sound that would make George Lucas cream in his pants!
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Chip Douglas: Wake up lil snoozy! Smell the smelling salts!
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Chip Douglas: He who hesitates, masturbates.
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Chip Douglas: Come back here, so that I may brain thee!
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Chip Douglas: Wow, the old McNair place. Never thought they'd get the floors clean after what happened.
Steven Kovacs: Why? What happened?
Chip Douglas: They had a lot of cats.
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Steven Kovacs: I have this friend and he gave his cable guy $50 and then he got all the movie channels for free. You ever hear of anything like that?
Chip Douglas: [Walks slowly towards Steven] You mean illegal cable?
Steven Kovacs: Um... Yeah.
Chip Douglas: Who told you that? What is his name? I want it.
Steven Kovacs: Just forget it.
Chip Douglas: You're offering me a bribe. What you have just done is illegal and in this state, if convicted, you could be fined up to $5,000 or spend six months in a correction facility!
Steven Kovacs: No, please, that was dumb. I was just making conversation. Forget it.
Chip Douglas: [Bursts out laughing] I'm just jerking your chain! Ha ha ha. The look on your face! Ha ha, you are too easy!
[Laughs harder]
Chip Douglas: Wake up, little snoozy. Smell the smelling salts? Ha ha ha. I'll juice ya up.
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The Cable Guy: Pretty smooth work! I set 'em up, you knock 'em down.
Steven Kovacs: What?
The Cable Guy: Robin. I got her back for you. I juiced her up!
Steven Kovacs: How do you know we're back together?
The Cable Guy: Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac, Steven.
Steven Kovacs: I don't want you messing with my life!
The Cable Guy: I know! I felt bad about the other night. I wanted to make it up to you.
[pause]
The Cable Guy: So what are you doing? Wanna catch a flick?
Steven Kovacs: Look, I appreciate you helping me out with Robin. But you have to understand. I'm going to have to work *extra* hard to not screw this relationship up again. You're a very nice guy, but I just don't have any room in my life for a new friend. Okay?
The Cable Guy: So, what are you trying to say?
Steven Kovacs: I don't want to be your friend.
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Chip Douglas: I'll juice ya up.
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Chip Douglas: Dry land is not a myth. I've seen it. Kevin Costner. Waterworld. I don't know what the big fuss is about. I saw that movie nine times. It rules!
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Chip Douglas: Free cable is the ultimate aphrodisiac.
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Chip Douglas: Hey Steve I'm on a pay phone, so if you're there pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up, well OK, call me back.
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Chip Douglas: Come on Stevie, time to leavey, It's the fun bus man!

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