Dumb & Dumber
Dumb & Dumber

Dumb & Dumber

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User Rating: 3 / 5
(1 vote)
Year: 1994
Number of Quotes: 77
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Dumb & Dumber (1994) (Movie)

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Lloyd Christmas: I'm only human, Harry! Come on! Stop being a baby. So we backtracked a tad!
Harry Dunne: A tad? A tad, Lloyd? You drove almost a sixth of the way across the country in the wrong direction! Now we don't have enough money to get to Aspen, we don't have enough money to get home, we don't have enough money to eat, we don't have enough money to sleep!
Lloyd Christmas: Well, it's not gonna do us any good sitting here whining about it. We're in a hole. We're just going to have to dig ourselves out.
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Mary Swanson: So you'll pick me up tonight at seven forty-five?
Harry Dunne: Well I got a few things to take care of. So how about we make it quarter to eight?
Mary Swanson: [Laughs] Stop it
Harry Dunne: Okay. Seven forty-five
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Harry Dunne: According to the map we've only gone 4 inches.
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Mary Swanson: Okay, how do you guys know each other?
Lloyd Christmas: We used to be best friends.
Harry Dunne: Yeah, until he turned into a back-stabber.
Lloyd Christmas: Me, a back-stabber? You've got a lot of nerve. You knew I was crazy about her!
Harry Dunne: Yeah, and you knew I was crazy about Fraida Felcher, and that didn't stop you, did it?
Lloyd Christmas: What do you mean?
Harry Dunne: "What do you mean?" Don't deny it, Lloyd. Fraida told me the whole sleazy story, Mr. French Tickler! I guess we both learned a little something about each other today.
Lloyd Christmas: You said it, pal. Maybe we're not as good of friends as we thought. I mean, if one beautiful girl can rip us apart, then maybe our friendship isn't worth a damn. Maybe we should call it quits right now.
Harry Dunne: You just tell me where to sign, bud.
Lloyd Christmas: Right on my ass after you kiss it!
Harry Dunne: You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips, right here!
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Lloyd Christmas: You're it.
Harry Dunne: You're it.
Lloyd Christmas: You're it, quitsies!
Harry Dunne: Anti-quitsies, you're it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd Christmas: You can't do that!
Harry Dunne: Can too!
Lloyd Christmas: Cannot, stamp it!
Harry Dunne: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!
Lloyd Christmas: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.
Harry Dunne: No, you can't do that... you can't triple stamp a double stamp, you can't triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!
Lloyd Christmas: [hands over ears] LA LA LA LA LA LA!
Harry Dunne: LLOYD! LLOYD! LLOYD!
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[man and woman walk by]
Harry Dunne: Ooh, look at the buns on that one...
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, he must work out.
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Lloyd Christmas: Hey, look, the Monkees. They were a huge influence on the Beatles.
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Sea Bass' Friend: Kick his ass, Sea Bass!
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Lloyd Christmas: Why you going to the airport, flying somewhere?
Mary Swanson: How'd you guess?
Lloyd Christmas: I saw your luggage, then when I noticed the airline ticket I put 2 and 2 together.
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Harry Dunne: I don't get it, Lloyd. She told me ten o clock, sharp! Are you sure you went to the right bar?
Lloyd Christmas: Yep. I'm pretty sure. Lobby bar right by the lobby. Maybe she just had a change of heart.
Harry Dunne: Oh, that pisses me off! That pisses me right off! I hate when women do that. She wanted to see you again! And now no? Now... wait a minute! Wait! She must have meant ten o clock at night!
Lloyd Christmas: Do you think...?
Harry Dunne: Why would she meet you in a bar at ten in the morning?
Lloyd Christmas: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.
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[coming out of the 7-11]
Lloyd Christmas: Hey guys. Oh, big gulps huh? All right! Well, see ya later.
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Harry Dunne: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary Swanson: I beg your pardon?
Harry Dunne: The owls! They're beautiful!
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Lloyd Christmas: I'll bet you twenty dollars I can get you gambling before the day is out!
Harry Dunne: No!
Lloyd Christmas: I'll give you three to one odds.
Harry Dunne: No.
Lloyd Christmas: Five to one.
Harry Dunne: No.
Lloyd Christmas: Ten to one?
Harry Dunne: You're on!
Lloyd Christmas: I'm gonna get ya!
Harry Dunne: Nu uh!
Lloyd Christmas: I don't know how but I'm gonna get ya.
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Lloyd Christmas: So where are you headin'?
Mary Swanson: Aspen.
Lloyd Christmas: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!
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Lloyd Christmas: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We gotta get out of this town!
Harry Dunne: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
Lloyd Christmas: I'll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like the salmon of Capistrano. I'm talking about a little place called Aspen.
Harry Dunne: Oh, I don't know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.
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Harry Dunne: Where did you get those?
Lloyd Christmas: I bought them when we filled up.
Harry Dunne: We are supposed to talk about all expenditures Lloyd; we are on a very tight budget.
Lloyd Christmas: This didn't come out of our travel fund.
Harry Dunne: Oh.
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, I was able to raise 25 extra bucks before we left.
Harry Dunne: Where did you get 25 extra becks?
Lloyd Christmas: I sold some stuff, to Billy in 4-C.
Harry Dunne: The blind kid?
Lloyd Christmas: Yeah, ha ha! Yeah.
Harry Dunne: What did you sell him Lloyd?
Lloyd Christmas: Stuff.
Harry Dunne: What kinda stuff?
Lloyd Christmas: I don't know, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles,
[cough]
Lloyd Christmas: Petey.
Harry Dunne: Petey? You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn't even have a head!
Lloyd Christmas: Harry, I took care of it...
Billy: Pretty bird, yeah, can you say pretty bird? Pretty bird, yeah pretty bird... Polly want a cracker?
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Lloyd Christmas: What are the chances of a guy like you and a girl like me... ending up together?
Mary Swanson: Well, that's pretty difficult to say.
Lloyd Christmas: Hit me with it! I've come a long way to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?
Mary Swanson: Not good.
Lloyd Christmas: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary Swanson: I'd say more like one out of a million.
[pause]
Lloyd Christmas: So you're telling me there's a chance.
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Harry Dunne: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary Swanson: Really? That's strange.
Harry Dunne: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.
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Airport Clerk: Sir, you can't go in there!
Lloyd Christmas: It's ok, I'm a limo driver!
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Harry Dunne: Yeah I called her up, she gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something, I don't know, I wasn't really paying attention.

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