Ace Ventura: Melissa it's ace!

Melissa Robinson: Ace where are you?

Ace Ventura: I'm in Psychoville and Finkel's the mayor!

Ace Ventura: [a swarm of animals emerge from various hiding places] Come to me my animal friends!

Ron Camp: [Ace emerges soaking wet] I'm so Sorry Mr. Ace, I'll have the plumbing checked immediately.

Ace Ventura: Well I hope so, had I been drinking out of the toilet, I might have been killed.

Ace Ventura: LOOO-HOOO-ZUH-HER!

Ace Ventura: [to Shickadance] Why don't come to take a look inside? C'mon. C'mon!

Ace Ventura: Go ahead. Snoop around!

Ace Ventura: Well? Are you satisfied?

Mr. Shickadance: Just don't let me catch you with an animal here, that's all.

Ace Ventura: All right! Take care now! Bye-bye, then!

Ace Ventura: L-oser!

Ace Ventura: Holy shitballs.

Melissa Robinson: Ace, get out of the tank.

Ace Ventura: [talking like Scotty from Star Trek] I just can't do it, Captain. I don't have the power.

Melissa Robinson: I said, get out of the tank now!

Ace Ventura: For God's sake, Jim, I'm a doctor, not a pool man!

Melissa Robinson: You know what? I'm not even going to talk to you. Would you please leave.

Ace Ventura: Why? So you can beat him?

Ace Ventura: Fatty.

Melissa Robinson: You're unbelievable. Hiring you was the biggest mistake I ever made.

Ace Ventura: Well, why don't you cry about it. Saddlebags.

Ace Ventura: Obsess much?

Lois Einhorn: DIE ANIMAL BOY!

Ace Ventura: Quick Decision

Ace Ventura: Lovely party. Pity I wasn't invited.

Riddle: I don't give a good goddamn about that fish. Fillet it and fast food it if'ya want'to. All I give a damn about's, winning the Super Bowl. My athletes have got to have their heads in the right place. Shit, Roger, you been in this business a long time. You know how superstitious these guys are.

Lois Einhorn: And somebody get me some coffee!

Ace Ventura: Tonight on Miami Vice, Crockett gets the boss some coffee.

Riddle: [angry] How in the hell do you loose a five hundred pound fish?

Melissa Robinson: [wants to say something]

Riddle: What?

Melissa Robinson: I'm sorry sir, I was just going to say, that it's not a fish, it's a mammal.

Riddle: Thank you, miss Jacques Cousteau.

Ace Ventura: Heads up! Good defense! Good defense!

Lois Einhorn: [after she finishes wrestling with Ace, to the surrounding police officers] Shoot him! Shoot him!

Emilio: [offscreen] Hold your fire!

Emilio: Don't shoot!

Melissa Robinson: Put your guns down or this cop gets it. I mean it!

Emilio: She's not joking!

Lois Einhorn: [ignoring them] He kidnapped Snowflake! He killed Roger Podator and was going to kill Dan Marino and meeeeee!

Ace Ventura: Ho ho ho Hooooooooooooo! Fiction can be fun, but I find the reference section a little more enlightening. For instance, if you were to look up the NFL's "All Time Bonehead Plays," you might read about a Miami Dolphin kicker named Ray Finkle, who missed the 26 yard field goal in the closing seconds of Super Bowl XVII.

Ace Ventura: What you wouldn't read about was how Ray Finkle lost his mind was committed to a mental hospital only to escape and join the police force under the assumed identity of a missing hiker manipulating his way to the top in a diabolical scheme to get even with Dan Marino for whom he blamed the entire thing!

Aguado: What the hell are you talking about?

Ace Ventura: SHE'S NOT LOIS EINHORN!, She's Ray Finkle, she's a man.

Lois Einhorn: He's lying. SHOOT HIIIIMMM!

Melissa Robinson: "Replacement Kicker Having a Great Year." "Ready For Super Bowl, All-Star Kicker Boasts."

Ace Ventura: "Field Goal Sails Wide. Dolphins Lose Super Bowl."

Melissa Robinson: The "Kick Heard Round The World." That was Finkle. The Dolphins lost by one point.

Melissa Robinson: Poor guy.

Ace Ventura: Poor guy with a motive, baby.

Ace Ventura: Do *not* go in there! Pheeww!

Melissa Robinson: [in her office, she is showing Ace a video of the halftime routine performed by their missing mascot, Snowflake. She sees Ace chewing on either birdseeds or sunflower seeds, and spreading the leftovers in a neat pile on her desk] Would you like an ashtray?

Ace Ventura: Hmm-mmm. I don't smoke. It's a disgusting habit.

Melissa Robinson: Ace?

Ace Ventura: [holds the phone away from his mouth and waits a second] Thought I left, didn't ya?

Melissa Robinson: [laughs]

Ace Ventura: Ok, I'm really gonna go this time.