Dogma
Dogma

Dogma

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User Rating: 0 / 5
(0 votes)
Year: 1999
Number of Quotes: 145
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Dogma (1999) (Movie)

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Jay: She's fucking pissed, dude. She'll never fuck us now. Well, maybe you, but definitely not me. Let me know how she is.
Bethany: NOBODY IS FUCKING ME! YOU GOT THAT!
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Loki: I can spot a commandment-breaker a mile away.
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Jay: All right, but let's say we're caught in a situation where we've got like five minutes to live, like a bomb or something is gonna go off. Would you fuck us then?
Bethany: In that highly unlikely situation? Yeah, sure.
Jay: She's a slut. Bunnnng.
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Bethany: I don't know what to say... or think... except...
Jay: That you offer us sex as a reward.
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Bethany: Were they sent to Hell?
Metatron: Worse. Wisconsin. For the entire span of human history.
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Metatron: So once he's done with the firstborn, Loki takes his friend Bartleby out for a post-slaughter drink. And over many rounds, they get into this discussion about whether or not murder in the name of God is okay. Now, Bartleby can run circles around Loki intellectually, not to mention that Loki's already half in the bag. And in the end, Bartleby convinces Loki to quit his position and take a lesser one that doesn't involve slaughter. So - very inebriated - Loki tells God he quits, throws down his fiery sword, and gives Him the finger. Which ruins it for the rest of us, because from that day forward, God decreed that all angels could no longer imbibe alcohol. Hence all the spitting.
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Metatron: Metatron acts as the voice of God. Any documented occasion when some yahoo claims God has spoken to them, they're speaking to me. Or they're talking to themselves.
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[Angels have no genitalia]
Metatron: See? I'm as anatomically impaired as a Ken doll.
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Serendipity: Bethany, you of anyone should know that tits dont make a woman. As you can tell, I lack definition.
Jay: [off the screen] Hey! They're getting a free show! Let me see that shit!
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Jay: [after he and Silent Bob join a gang and the Golgothan poop monster is heading towards them] Smoke that motherfucker like it aint no thang!
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Loki: [to the female Mooby employee after shooting the board members] Gum? Oh these guys, these men were evil. You're a pure soul. You have nothing to worry about.
[holds his gun up]
Loki: But you did not say "God bless you" when I sneezed.
Bartleby: [yelling off camera] LOKI!
Loki: You're getting off light!
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Bartleby: [while Loki is laying waste to the Mooby board room, Bartelby is sitting in the lounge reading "Mooby Magazine"] I cant believe we forgot about the magazine.
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Bethany: I think God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.
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Liz: He said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled.
Bethany: You're suggesting I need to get filled?
Liz: In more ways than one. You need to get laid, Bethany Sloane. You need a man, if only for ten minutes.
Bethany: It's been my experience that the average male is never a man. Not even for ten minutes in his entire lifespan.
Liz: That'a a bit militant. You thinking of joining the other side?
Bethany: Couldn't do it. Women are insane.
Liz: Then YOU need to go back to church and ask God for a third option.
Bethany: I think that God is dead.
Liz: The sign of a true Catholic.
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Bethany: I don't want this, it's too big.
Metatron: That's what Jesus said. Yes, I had to tell him. And you can imagine how that hurt the Father - not to be able to tell the Son Himself because one word from His lips would destroy the boy's frail human form? So I was forced to deliver the news to a scared child who wanted nothing more than to play with other children. I had to tell this little boy that He was God's only Son, and that it meant a life of persecution and eventual crucifixion at the hands of the very people He came to enlighten and redeem. He begged me to take it back, as if I could. He begged me to make it all not true. And I'll let you in on something, Bethany, this is something I've never told anyone before... If I had the power, I would have.
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Rufus: You are the great great great GREAT great grand-niece of Jesus Christ.
Jay: So that would make Bethany... part black?
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[Standing beside Bethany's car, its engine burned out]
Jay: Like I ever drove before...
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[about Azrael's neutrality in the Holy Conflict]
Jay: What are you, some kind of fucking chicken?
Azrael: No, I was an ARTIST, STUPID! I WAS INSPIRATION! A muse has no place in battle!
Serendipity: So after the fallen were banished to hell, God turned on those who wouldn't fight, and Azrael was sent down with the demons.
[mockingly]
Serendipity: Something he considers a GRAVE injustice!
Azrael: Ah, come on! Don't tell me you NEVER questioned the judgement, Serendipity.
Serendipity: No. It never bothered me. So you were an artist! Big deal! Elvis was an artist. But that didn't stop him from joining the service in time of war. And that's why he's The King, and you're a schmuck.
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[Bethany and Rufus find Jay and Silent Bob at a strip club]
Bethany: What are you doing?
Jay: Proving to this bastard I ain't gay.
Bethany: What?
Rufus: Long story, forget it.
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Loki: Never let it be said that your anal-retentive attention to detail never yielded positive results.
Bartleby: You can't be anal-retentive if you don't have an anus.
Loki: Outstanding work.

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