Office
Office

The Office

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User Rating: 3 / 5
(1 vote)
Year: 2005
Genre: Comedy / Drama
Number of Quotes: 30
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from The Office (2005) (TV Series)

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Season Episode
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Michael Scott: [about Holly] Why you helping her? You are not even dating. She is my friend, and ultimately my strategy is to sort of merge this into a relationship.
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Creed: [to Michael] The tall guy got engaged.
Michael Scott: To be married?
Jim Halpert: Yup.
[Michael drops his bag and runs towards Jim to hug him and they both fall down]
Pam Beesly: [over the phone] Sorry.
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Dwight Schrute: [about Pam] She's not a virgin you know.
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Roy Anderson: Little close to my engagement there Tuna. What's you game here?
Jim Halpert: To get married.
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Kevin Malone: I got a gift for Pam and Roy. Do i have to get another one?
Jim Halpert: Yes.
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Jim Halpert: Everybody, just wanted to make an announcement. Pam and I are engaged.
Pam Beesly: [Pam over the phone] Hi everyone.
Oscar Martinez: I thought that you were already engaged?
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[Jim exits his car, and runs to meet Pam under the overhang]
Pam Beesly: Hey! This is not halfway! I did the math, I had to drive way longer than you. Montclair would have been closer, so you have to buy lunch.
[Jim drops to his knee]
Pam Beesly: What are you doing?
Jim Halpert: [holding out a jewelry box] I just... I can't wait.
Pam Beesly: Oh, my God...
Jim Halpert: Pam, will you marry me?
Pam Beesly: [laughing incredulously] Oh, my God!
Jim Halpert: So?
Pam Beesly: [Nods] Yes!
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Kevin Malone: Wait, back up. Do you think that I'm retarded?
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Phyllis Lapin: I wonder what people like about me. Probably my jugs.
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Kelly Kapoor: I swallowed a tape worm last night. It's going to grow up to three feet inside of me, and then it eats all of my food so that I don't get fat. And then after three months, I take some medicine, and then I pass it. Creed sold it to me. It's from Mexico.
Creed: That wasn't a tapeworm.
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Dwight Schrute: Hold it in your mouth if you can't swallow.
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Dwight Schrute: Not that guy who murdered his mother. He was not so handsome. Also, Kevin.
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Andy Bernard: Andy Bernard does not lose contests, he wins them... or he quits them because they are unfair.
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Dwight Schrute: The problem, Jim, is that people who are really suffering from a medical condition won't receive the care they need because someone in this office is coming up with ridiculous stuff. "Count Choculitis?"
Jim Halpert: Sounds tough.
Dwight Schrute: Why did you write that down, Jim? Is it because you know I love Count Chocula?
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Dwight Schrute: All right, who did this? I'm not mad, I just want to know who did it so I can punish them.
Jim Halpert: What are you talking about?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, someone, uh, forged medical information, and that is a felony.
Jim Halpert: Okay, whoa, all right, 'cause that's a pretty intense accusation. How do you know that they're fake?
Dwight Schrute: Uh, leprosy? Flesh-eating bacteria? Hot dog fingers. Government created killer nano robot infection.
[to Jim]
Dwight Schrute: You did this, didn't you?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely not.
Dwight Schrute: Yes you did.
Jim Halpert: No I didn't.
Dwight Schrute: I know it was you. Okay, fine, you know what? I'm going to have interview each and every one of you until the perpetrator makes him or herself known. And until that time, there will be no health care coverage for anyone.
[Dwight slams door to his workspace]
Jim Halpert: [to Pam] Killer nano robots?
Pam Beesly: It's an epidemic.
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Jim Halpert: Right now, this is just a job. If I advance any higher in this company, then this would be my career. And, well, if this were my career? I'd have to throw myself in front of a train.
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Jim Halpert: Wait, what are you writing? Don't write ebola or mad cow disease, all right? Because I'm suffering from both of them.
Pam Beesly: I'm inventing new diseases.
Jim Halpert: Oh, great.
Pam Beesly: So, like, let's say that my teeth turn to liquid and then they drip down the back of my throat. What would you call that?
Jim Halpert: I thought you said you were inventing new diseases. That's spontaneous dental hydroplosion.
Pam Beesly: Nice.
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[Michael doesn't want to come out of his office]
Kevin Malone: He has to come out sometime... to go to the bathroom!
Angela Martin: Kevin, that's inappropriate!
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Michael Scott: [on a videotape] Hi, I'm Michael Scott and I'm in charge of Dunder Mifflin Paper Products here in Scranton, Pennsylvania. But, I'm also the founder of Diversity Tomorrow, because 'Today is Almost Over.' Abraham Lincoln once said, "If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North," and those are the principles I carry with me into the workplace.
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Mr. Brown: Now this is a simple acronym: H.E.R.O. At Diversity, we believe it's very easy to be a hero. All you need are: Honesty, Empathy, Respect, and Open-mindedness.
Dwight Schrute: Excuse me, I'm sorry, but that's not all it takes to be a hero.
Mr. Brown: Okay well, what is a hero to you?
Dwight Schrute: A hero kills people, people that wish him harm. A hero is part human and part supernatural. A hero is born out of a childhood trauma, or out of a disaster, and must be avenged.
Mr. Brown: Uh, okay, you're thinking of a superhero.

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