Juno
Juno

Juno

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User Rating: 5 / 5
(2 votes)
Year: 2007
Genre: Romance / Drama / Comedy
Number of Quotes: 55
Submitted by: TheRudyStyle


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Movie Quotes from Juno (2007) (Movie)

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[at Juno's ultrasound]
Leah: Whoa! Check out Baby Big Head. Dude, that thing is freaky lookin'.
Juno MacGuff: Excuse me. I am a sacred vessel, alright? All you've got in your stomach is Taco Bell.
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Juno MacGuff: As far as boyfriends go, Paulie Bleeker is totally boss. He is the cheese to my macaroni. And, I know that people are supposed to fall in love before they reproduce, but... I guess normalcy isn't really our style.
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Juno MacGuff: Yeah, I'm a legend. You know, they call me the cautionary whale.
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Juno MacGuff: What about Katrina De Voort? You could totally go out with Katrina De Voort.
Paulie Bleeker: No, I don't like Katrina. She smells like soup. Have you ever smelled her? I mean, her whole house smells like soup!
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Punk Receptionist: Would you like a free condom? They're boysenberry.
Juno MacGuff: No, thanks. I'm off sex right now.
Punk Receptionist: My boyfriend wears them every time we have intercourse, it makes his junk smell like pie.
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Rollo: You better pay for that pee-stick when you're done with it. Don't think it's yours just because you marked it with your urine!
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Juno MacGuff: Yea, you just take Soupy-Sales to prom I can think of so many cooler things to do that night. Like, you know what Bleek? I might pumice my feet, uh, I might go to Bren's Unitarian Church, maybe get hit by a truck full of hot garbage juice, you know? Cause all those things, would be exponentially cooler than going to prom with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You're being really immature... You have no reason to be mad at me, I mean, you know, you broke MY heart. I should be royally ticked off at you. I should be really cheesed off, I shouldn't want to talk to you anymore.
Juno MacGuff: What? Cause I got bored and had sex with you and I didn't want to like marry you?
Paulie Bleeker: Like I'd marry you! You'd be the meanest wife ever, okay? And I know that you weren't bored that day because there was a lot of stuff on TV, and then 'The Blair Witch Project' was coming on Starz and you were like 'I haven't seen this since it came out and if so we should watch it' and 'but oh, no, we should just make out instead la la la'
Juno MacGuff: You just take Katrina Von douchebag to prom. I'm sure you two will have like a real bitchin' time
Paulie Bleeker: Well, I still have your underwear!
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Paulie Bleeker: Can we make out now?
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[first lines]
Juno MacGuff: It started with a chair.
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Juno MacGuff: [yelling through the house] Dad?
Mac MacGuff: What?
Juno MacGuff: Either I just peed my pants or um...
Mac MacGuff: *Or*...?
Juno MacGuff: THUNDERCATS ARE GO!
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Juno MacGuff: I think I'm in love with you.
Paulie Bleeker: You mean as friends?
Juno MacGuff: No... I mean for real. 'Cause you're, like, the coolest person I've ever met, and you don't even have to try, you know...
Paulie Bleeker: I try really hard, actually.
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Mac MacGuff: Did you see that coming?
Bren MacGuff: Yeah... but I was hoping she was expelled, or into hard drugs.
Mac MacGuff: That was my first instinct too. Or a DWI... anything but this!
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Juno MacGuff: You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events.
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Leah: Dude, I think it's best to just tell 'em.
Juno MacGuff: I'm Pregnant.
Bren MacGuff: Oh, God.
Juno MacGuff: But, uh ah, I'm going to give it up for adoption and I already found the perfect couple, they're going to pay for the medical expenses and everything. And and what ah 30 or odd weeks we can just pretend that this never happened.
Mac MacGuff: You're pregnant?
Juno MacGuff: I'm sorry. I'm sorry... And if it is any consolation I have heartburn that is radiating in my knee caps and I haven't taken a dump since like Wednesday... morning.
Bren MacGuff: I didn't even know that you were sexually active.
Juno MacGuff: I, uh...
Mac MacGuff: Who is the kid?
Juno MacGuff: The-the baby? I don't really know much about it other than, I mean, it has fingernails, allegedly.
Bren MacGuff: Nails, really?
Juno MacGuff: Yeah!
Mac MacGuff: No, I know I mean who's the father, Juno?
Juno MacGuff: Umm... It's Paulie Bleeker.
Mac MacGuff: Paulie Bleeker?
Juno MacGuff: What?
Mac MacGuff: I didn't think he had it in him.
Leah: I know, right?
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Vanessa Loring: So... How are we going to do this?
Juno MacGuff: What do you mean? Don't I just have the thing? Squeeze it on out and hand it over?
Gerta Rauss: Mark and Vanessa are willing to negotiate an open adoption...
Mac MacGuff: What do you mean?
Juno MacGuff: Wait... No! I mean, can't we just, like, kick this old school? Like, I have the baby, put it in a basket and send it your way, like, Moses and the reeds?
Mark Loring: Technically, that would be kicking it Old Testament.
Gerta Rauss: ...So, we all agree that a closed adoption is the best decision for all involved?
Juno MacGuff: SSHHIT! YES! Close it up!
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Ultrasound Technician: Well, there you have it. Would you like to know the sex?
Leah: Yes!
Juno MacGuff: No!
Leah: Pleease, Juno, please!
Juno MacGuff: No, there will be no sex!
Ultrasound Technician: Planning to be suprised when you deliver?
Juno MacGuff: Well, no, but I want Mark and Vanessa to be suprised and if you tell me I'll just, like, ruin everything.
Ultrasound Technician: Are Mark and Vanessa your friends at school?
Juno MacGuff: No, no, no. They're the adoptive parents.
Ultrasound Technician: Oh, well thank goodness for that!
Bren MacGuff: What's that supposed to mean?
Ultrasound Technician: I just see a lot of teenage mothers come through here and it's obviously a poisonous environment to raise a baby in.
Juno MacGuff: How do you know I'm so poisonous? What if these adoptive parents turn out to be, like, evil molesters?
Leah: Or, like, stage parents.
Bren MacGuff: They could be utterly negligent. Maybe they'll do a far shittier job of raising a kid than my dumbass step-daughter would. Have you considered that?
Ultrasound Technician: I guess not.
Bren MacGuff: What is your job title exactly?
Ultrasound Technician: I'm an ultrasound technician, ma'am.
Bren MacGuff: Well, I'm a nail technician and I think we both ought to just stick to what we know.
Ultrasound Technician: Excuse me?
Bren MacGuff: Oh, you think you're so special because you get to play Picture Pages up there? Well, my five year old daughter could do that and let me tell you, she's not the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. So why don't you go back to night school in Mantino and learn a real trade.
Juno MacGuff: Bren! Use a dick! I love it!
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Juno MacGuff: So guess what.
Paulie Bleeker: [hesitant] What?... I don't know...
Juno MacGuff: I'm pregnant.
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Vanessa Loring: Your parents are probably wondering where you are.
Juno MacGuff: Nah... I mean, I'm already pregnant, so what other kind of shenanigans could I get into?
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Paulie Bleeker: Come on, let me carry your bag.
Juno MacGuff: Oh, what's another ten pounds?
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Bren MacGuff: Honey, doctors are sadists who like to play God and watch lesser people scream.

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