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Member Since September 17th, 2008 Last Login October 6th, 2008 4:12 pm
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Submitted Quotes: 221 Submitted Titles: 3 Comments: 0 Favorite Quotes: 0 Favorite Titles: 0 Friends: 0 Fans: 0
Skramk's Submissions Submissions
Submitted Quotes
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Alpa Chino: No, I always wanted to. I guess I just never had the courage to ask. It's complicated.
Kirk Lazarus: Nah! It's simple as pie man, you plant your feet on the ground, you look her square in the eyes you say "Hey! baby, you and me's goin' on a date, that's in the story"... What's her name?
Alpa Chino: ...Lance
Kirk Lazarus: You say 'Listen here, Lance'... Lance? What the fuck did I just hear? Lance?
Kevin Sandusky: Did you just say Lance?
Alpa Chino: No! No, I didn't say Lance. I said Nance.
Kevin Sandusky: It sounded a lot like Lance.
Alpa Chino: Dammit, I'm Alpa Chino! 'I Love Tha Pussy', aight? Lay yo ass back down and look at the stars.
Kirk Lazarus: When you wrote 'I Love Tha Pussy', was you thinking about danglin your dice on Lance's forehead?
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Kirk Lazarus: Everybody knows you never go full retard.
Tugg Speedman: What do you mean?
Kirk Lazarus: Check it out. Dustin Hoffman, 'Rain Man,' look retarded, act retarded, not retarded. Counted toothpicks, cheated cards. Autistic, sho'. Not retarded. You know Tom Hanks, 'Forrest Gump.' Slow, yes. Retarded, maybe. Braces on his legs. But he charmed the pants off Nixon and won a ping-pong competition. That ain't retarded. Peter Sellers, "Being There." Infantile, yes. Retarded, no. You went full retard, man. Never go full retard. You don't buy that? Ask Sean Penn, 2001, "I Am Sam." Remember? Went full retard, went home empty handed...
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Cody: [rigging a bridge with explosives] That's it! I'm going into catering after this!
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Jeff Portnoy: [heading towards an ox] I need to bite its hide... and wear its stomach like a unitard.
Kirk Lazarus: Ain’t nobody gonna do nothin!
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Scorcher Preview Narrator: Now, the only person who could make a difference before, will make a difference again!
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Byong: We no get money yet. Price now 100 million. You pay now, or tomorrow Simple Jack Die!
Les Grossman: Great. Let me get this down. 100 million... Oh, wait! I got a better idea. Instead of a hundred million, how about I send you a hobo's dick cheese? Then, you kill him. Do your thing, skin the fucking bastard. Go to town, man. Go to town! In the mean time and as usual, go fuck yourself.
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Tyra Banks: You have no real family, you're on the wrong side of 40, you're childless and alone. Somebody close to you said: "One more flop, and it's over."
Tugg Speedman: [pause] Somebody said they were close to me?
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Les Grossman: Speedman is a dying star. A white dwarf headed for a black hole. That's physics. It's inevitable.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: We've been handed an incredible opportunity here, Peck.
Les Grossman: The universe... is talking to us right now. You just gotta listen.
[turns on Flo Rider's "Low" and begins to dance to the beat]
Les Grossman: See, this is the good part, Pecker. This is when the job gets fun! Ask... and you shall receive!
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: [dancing along] Right...
Les Grossman: You play ball... we play ball. I knoowwww... you want the goodies!
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Welcome to the goodie room!
Les Grossman: You paying attention? I'm talking... G5, Pecker! That's how you can roll. No more frequent flyer bitch miles for my boy! Oh yeah! Playa... playa! Big dick playa!
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Swinging past ya knees!
Les Grossman: Big dick, baby!
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Yep.
Les Grossman: [turns off the music] Or... you can grow a conscience in the next five minutes and see where that takes you.
Rick Peck: Now let me get this straight. You want me to let my client of 15 years, one of my best friends, die in the jungle alone, for some money and a G5?
Les Grossman: Yes.
Rick Peck: [pause] A G5 airplane?
Les Grossman: Yes... and lots of money... playaaaa!
[turns on the music and dances again]
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Cody: I don't know what it's called; I only know the sound it makes when it *lies*!
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Alpa Chino: That's the theme song for the Jeffersons!
Kirk Lazarus: Man, just cause it's a theme song don't make it not true.
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Rick Peck: I got the TiVo!
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Cody: [after blowing up a row of palm trees with napalm] Mother Nature just pissed her pantsuit!
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Kirk Lazarus: I'm just like a little boy, playin' with his dick when he's nervous.
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Kirk Lazarus: Same thing happened to me when I played Neil Armstrong in Moonshot. They found me in an alley in Burbank trying to re-enter the earth's atmosphere in an old refrigerator box.
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Tugg Speedman: [as Simple Jack] You make my pee-pee maker t-t-tingle.

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