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Member Since September 17th, 2008 Last Login October 6th, 2008 4:12 pm
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Submitted Quotes: 221 Submitted Titles: 3 Comments: 0 Favorite Quotes: 0 Favorite Titles: 0 Friends: 0 Fans: 0
Skramk's Submissions Submissions
Submitted Quotes
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Tugg Speedman: [the boy hands him a box, he removes the cloth from the box and looks inside] A little twig-man oscar. I 'm going to call you half-squat, and you can call me... papa
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[Tugg has just killed a panda]
Tugg Speedman: I killed one, Rick... the thing I love most in the world.
Rick Peck: A hooker. Oh Jesus, you killed a hooker!
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[Jeff, Kirk, and Kevin have just learned Alpa is gay]
Jeff Portnoy: Hey, Alpa, if you come over here and untie me, I will literally suck your dick, right now.
Alpa Chino: Man, what did I tell you? I love tha pussy!
Jeff Portnoy: I'll cradle the balls, stroke the shaft, work the pipes, and swallow the gravy.
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Jeff Portnoy: [shoves drugs in guards' faces] Take the you bastards! Oh hilarious!
[the guards drop to the ground]
Jeff Portnoy: Let's move! We only have 16 hours before they wake up!
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Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Wow. 8 Oscars, 400 million dollars at the box office, and you saved Tugg Speedman's career.
Les Grossman: I couldn't have done it without you.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Really?
Les Grossman: No, dickhead. Of course I could. A nutless monkey could do your job. Now, go get drunk and take credit at all the parties.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: I wouldn't do that.
Les Grossman: Ah... joking.
Studio Executive Rob Slolom: Ah, there he is! Funny. You're a funny guy.
Les Grossman: Yeah. But seriously, a nutless monkey could do your job.
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Cody: Damian, what's the dealie dude? Are we gonna blow up this tree line or what? Tuk-Tuk and Kim got the blue balls and I wanna let em squirt it for a go... Peter, can he hear me?
[one of the men bring a box to Cody]
Cody: That's C-4, dipshit. Put that back. I said a detonator! I need some dudes who speak American god dammit! He's making a fucking sweater here, I'm tryin' to put Tiger Balm on this jungle's nuts.
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Tugg Speedman: This is insane. Are you really going to abandon this movie? We're supposed to be a unit!
Kirk Lazarus: Suck my unit.
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Jeff Portnoy: [to Four Leaf] You grew hands?
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Kirk Lazarus: Cover me, limp dick fuckers!
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Kevin Sandusky: Tugg. Tugger. You're the last piece of the puzzle buddy. We need you! Your men need you. Are you with us?
Tugg Speedman: [pause] I'm a rooster illusion.
Kevin Sandusky: Fuck it. We'll deal with him later.
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Tugg Speedman: [as Simple Jack] Mama, I'll see you again tonight in my head movies. But this head movies makes my eyes rain!
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Tugg Speedman: There were times while I was playing Jack where I felt...
[pause]
Tugg Speedman: ...retarded. Like, really retarded.
Kirk Lazarus: Damn!
Tugg Speedman: In a weird way I had to sort of just free myself up to believe that is was ok to be stupid or dumb.
Kirk Lazarus: To be a moron.
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: To be moronical.
Tugg Speedman: Exactly, to be a moron.
Kirk Lazarus: An imbecile.
Tugg Speedman: Yeah!
Kirk Lazarus: Like the dumbest mother fucker that ever lived.
Tugg Speedman: [pause] When I was playing the character.
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Kirk Lazarus: [to Tugg Speedman] What do you mean, "you people?"
Alpa Chino: [stares at Lazarus, and then gets angry] What do *you* mean, "you people?"
Kirk Lazarus: Huh?
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Kirk Lazarus: I don't read the script. The script reads me.
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Les Grossman: Now I want you to take a step back... and literally fuck your own face!

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