Ray Embrey: I put some stuff up on YouTube. Everybody remembers Walter the great whale, he was stuck on the beach. Along comes Hancock.

Hancock: I don't even remember that.

Ray Embrey: Ah, well... Greenpeace does.

Honey Bunny - Yolanda: [about to rob a diner] I love you, Pumpkin.

Pumpkin - Ringo: I love you, Honey Bunny.

Pumpkin - Ringo: [Standing up with a gun] All right, everybody be cool, this is a robbery!

Honey Bunny - Yolanda: Any of you fucking pricks move, and I'll execute every motherfucking last one of ya!

Indiana Jones: "X" never, ever marks the spot.

Det. Mike Lowrey: Don't hate the player, hate the game.

Store Clerk: [pointing gun at Mike] I blow you!

Store Clerk: And I blow you!

Det. Marcus Burnett: Blow me? What the fuck? Naw, naw.

Indiana Jones: Are you Crazy? Don't go between them!

Dr. Elsa Schneider: Go between them? Are you crazy?

Indiana Jones: I said go around!

Dr. Elsa Schneider: You said go between them!

Indiana Jones: I said don't go between them!

Herbert Sobel: Name?

Donald Malarkey: Malarkey, Donald G!

Herbert Sobel: Malarkey is slang for "bullshit," isn't it?

Donald Malarkey: Yes, sir!

Herbert Sobel: Rust on the butt-plate hinge spring, Private Bullshit - revoked. [His weekend pass]

Rollo: Well, well, if it isn't MacGuff the Crime Dog.

Rollo: Back for another test?

Juno MacGuff: I think the first one was defective, the plus sign looks more like a division symbol, so I remain unconvinced.

Rollo: Third test today, Momma Bear, your eggo's preggo, no doubt about it.

Tough Girl: It's really easy to tell, is your nipples real brown?

Rollo: Yeah, maybe your little boyfriend's got mutant sperms, knocked you up twice.

Juno MacGuff: Silencio, old man. Look, I just drank my weight in SunnyD and I gotta go pronto.

Rollo: Well, you know where the lavatory is.

Juno MacGuff: I'm a suicide risk.

Leah: Juno?

Juno MacGuff: No, it's Morgan Freeman, do you have any bones that need collecting?

Leah: Only the one in my pants.